Hong Kong and Bangkok

We booked our trip to Hong Kong and Bangkok months before we even considered buying a house, so when the day to depart finally arrived, Joe and I were caught unawares in the midst of a bathroom reno. As a result, there was none of the usual anticipation or preparation. Frankly, the whole vacation is a blur of sweating, eating and buying.

A view of Hong Kong from Kowloon side at night.

Hong Kong highlights

• It was refreshing to be in a city of night people. Hong Kong only really comes alive at 10am then goes strong straight into the night, every night. As a result, we felt no guilt about sleeping in before visiting even tourist attractions. Arriving anywhere anytime before noon is a safe bet.
  
• The air quality is terrible in Hong Kong with a constant grey haze hanging over the city. The city is also not good for claustrophobics nor people with high blood pressure what with people rushing all around you on tight streets and an over-abundance of stimulation. I showed my age as what used to energize me now makes me want to sit down and take it easy.
• In the course of a week, we experienced only two sunny days, one of which was spent at the idyllic village of the filthy rich, Stanley. It was great to have public bus access to a tropical beach so close to a world class city like Hong Kong. However, on the overcast 18C days, a good portion of the locals wore winter coats and furry clothing. Meanwhile, Joe and I considered the weather ideal conditions for enjoying our hotel's outdoor pool, having suffered swimming in Canadian lakes in the spring time.
  

The floating market (aka tourist trap on water)

Bangkok highlights

• The high quality and low price of the food is one of the main reasons to visit Bangkok. Even at high end malls, full meals could be had for a few Canadian dollars; eating on the street cost even less. Instead of junk food, locals buy handy grab bags of fresh cut papaya, pineapple, strawberries and whatever else was in season, for less than $1 CAD. This explains why the local population is consistently skinny, even the policemen in their tight black uniforms, regardless of age.
• The locals also demonstrate an amazing sense of style that had nothing to do with labels, though high end designer clothes were readily available. Local designs showed an affinity for draping fabric, which is chic and very in vogue with Western designers. I found myself excitedly buying affordable local designer clothes because they will work as well in Toronto as they do in Bangkok.
• The worst part of Bangkok were the tourists. On the innocuous side of the spectrum were the faux hippies; the brokers and students on vacation who have decided to wear flip flops, wife beaters and dread locks. It marks them out like idiots, considering how stylish and urbane the locals tend to be, no matter what the weather. The more troubling visitors are the sex tourists; the older Western male hanging out with a much younger Thai girl or boy. My visit to Pattaya Beach was marred by repeat sightings of hairy, beer bellied white guys in Speedos, clutching either a beer or a young local. Both kinds of tourists show absolutely no respect for the local populace.

We intend on returning to Hong Kong and Bangkok though our next stay will probably be shorter than a week. Just as Hong Kong customer service has improved considerably in the last decade, in reaction to growing competition from Singapore and Shanghai, Bangkok will have to decide which type of tourist they wish to cater to: wholesome shopaholics like me or hairy sex predators. Make your choice, Bangkok.

Friday Night Play List: 2 week intermission

I will be away from this blog for the next two weeks so here are some songs that will hopefully tie readers over until new content appears.

"Best I Ever Had" - Drake

I thought this song was a parody of hip hop music when I first heard it but it is being taken seriously enough to warrant a Grammy nomination (!). Drake reminds me of Alanis Morissette in that both have gained recognition as serious musicians in the US while Canadians can't fathom how a rich kid who was on "Degrassi: The Next Generation"/"You Can't Do That on Television" can have any credibility.

"Stop Me" - Mark Ronson featuring Daniel Merriweather

I love the original by The Smiths but Ronson's soul-inspired remake is surprisingly good.

"See You on the Moon" - Great Lake Swimmers

This catchy song was included on a children's compilation disc meant to relieve their parents of the homicidal thoughts that can come from listening to the Wiggles for the umpteenth time. It definitely ranks right up there with Raffi's "Bananaphone".

"Just Dance" - Lady Gaga

This song has been overplayed and it is still an instant party maker. Lady Gaga's success is heartening after her gracious response to Christina Aguilera stealing her style then claiming not to know if Lady Gaga was even a woman.

Finally, this is for that special threesome, Bella, Edward and Jacob.

A weekend in Montreal

Thanks to the VIA Rail 60% off mea culpa, I was able to get a discounted ticket to Ottawa in August and Joe and I were able to visit Montréal this past weekend for just over $100 per person.

While the travel time to Montréal was longer than a trip to Ottawa, the experience was more pleasant due to our preassigned seating in Comfort Class. Comfort Class entails more leg room, an overhead compartment that is accessible from your seat (though some passengers still insisted on standing in the aisle while putting away their bags), and better head support. A satellite issue also resulted in complementary Wi-Fi for all passengers, which pretty much guaranteed five hours well wasted.

As usual, Joe and I walked until our feet hurt all three days that we were in Montréal. Here's a brief recap of our tour.

Saturday
Heavy rain and a midday arrival in the city made us decide that we should 'take it easy' but our concept of the phrase differs from most other people. Joe and I had an average brunch, the highlight of which was a half-pint of Boreale beer. I had raved about this brand to Joe after my last visit to Montréal about seven years ago only to be let down by the six pack that I had hauled home for his tasting pleasure. Boreale from the tap still failed to live up to my golden memory, but the bitter taste dissipated with each drink and the aftertaste proved to be very clean.

We explored Rue Sainte-Catherine, starting in the bustling shopping district with all the usual brands (H&M, Futureshop, Old Navy, etc), passed the Université du Québec à Montréal, looked around the student friendly Quartier Latin, then stopped by La Grand Bibliothèque, whose gift shop featured an inordinate amount of Tintin products. Actually, Tintin products could be found throughout Montréal.

That night, instead of going out, we stayed in our hotel room to watch UFC 104. We are ashamed to admit how lame we were but we really enjoyed lying on the king size bed, watching men beat the crap out of each other.

Sunday
We stopped first in Chinatown, which boasted a charming pedestrian only street, and bought some Vietnamese subs for lunch despite the fact that they were more expensive ($3) and less tasty than the equivalents in Toronto. We then spent a whole afternoon exploring Old Montréal's attractive buildings and cobblestone streets. We were pleasantly surprised when Notre-Dame Basilica allowed visitors in during their Sunday service, and Joe was quite impressed with the interior of the church in spite of his pagan ways. When we arrived at the Marché Bonsecours, we inadvertantly came across a bi-annual designer fashion sale, La Grande Braderie de Mode Québécoise. Only in my wildest dreams had I hoped to find Eve Gravel clothing while in Montreal and, without planning to, I bought a skirt that I had been lusting after at a discount!

For dinner, we ate at St-Hubert, a chain that once competed with Swiss Chalet in Toronto but now only reigns supreme in Quebec. Joe had never eaten at St-Hubert so we gave it a try and Joe's conclusion was that it tasted like Swiss Chalet.

Monday

As attractive as Old Montréal had been, I was not been impressed with Downtown Montréal, which featured many 'Louez moi' signs in empty store fronts, and extensive fields of parking lots, where buildings had been torn down. Fortunately, we saved the best for last when we visited the Plateau-Mont-Royal neighbourhood. We had our best meal in the Plateau at Universel Déjeuners et Grillades (3630 Rue St-Denis), which we knew was promising from the large number of hipsters dining there when every other establishment was either closed or empty. The Plateau was a combination of Queen West and the Annex but spread over several blocks. It was great to finally find a vibrant neighbourhood full of local colour, characteristics that were sorely missing in much of Downtown and Old Montréal.

Final thoughts

I found myself happy to be home in Toronto, even after a train ride that lasted two hours longer than it should have. Montréal is similar to Toronto in many ways, superficially because Toronto's fashion sense has caught up. Customer service is pretty much on par with Toronto, which is to say that it was usually mediocre. I'm not sure if part of the reason was that Joe and I are anglophones though that would explain but not excuse the poor service. However, Montréal beats Toronto in some respects; the pedestrians are crazy fast to the point where I found it hard to overtake people in front of me as I usually do back home. Montréal pedestrians have to be fast because Montréal drivers are aggressive, but pedestrians are ready to throw down when necessary, as we witnessed first hand in the middle of Sainte-Catherine. The upside of Montréal's widespread urban decay is the amazing graffiti, which can be found not only in the safety of alleyways but also on main streets. No crappy, half finished black and white tags for Montréal; everything was multi-coloured and energetic.

The frustration of watching "SYTYCD? Canada"

Hopefully, this will be my last post about anything "So You Think You Can Dance?" related because any newcomer to this blog would suspect that I am a pubescent dance enthusiast by now. I just cannot hold back my disappointment over the Canadian version of the show, which started its second season this past week.

In short order, these are my complaints about "So You Think You Can Dance? Canada":

• Leah Miller - I find host, Leah Miller disingenuous. When she is not beaming at the camera, she is either acting condescendingly or actively snubbing the dancers that she interviews. Every time Leah shows up on screen, I have to plug my ears, close my eyes and shout, "Lalalalala..." until she passes. That's a lot of effort for a passive pastime like television.
• No HD wide screen - This is actually a complaint of Joe's. I understand that budgetary constraints may be behind this decision.
• No playbacks - In the American version, when a judge makes reference to a particular move that was just performed, the audience is treated to a playback as the critique is given. The Canadian show just hopes that its audience possesses a photographic memory in addition to an extensive dance vocabulary. Can the absence of playbacks also be attributed to budgetary constraints? I really want to know.
• Mediocrity unacknowledged - The quality of the dancers during audition week has been less than stellar. There is an embarrassing lack of polish in their transitions and little originality in their choreography. I suspect that the judges know this because while their words are encouraging, their energy levels barely register a pulse. Even the occasional excited yelp betrays relief that someone has finally shown some potential.

About the only thing I like about the show is judge, Jean-Marc Généreux, who is still a big perv. Unfortunately, the other judges choose to politely ignore this rather than play it up.

Thank goodness the American version of the show will return in September. In the case of this series, I may just have to 'Buy American'.

Canada Day drink and run

With the success of the Run for Liqueur last Canada Day, I decided to hold another beer mile. However, after our donation resulted in the Canadian Liver Foundation selling my information, I decided that the recipient of funds raised this year would be Vicki's Weekend to End Breast Cancer bid.

The 2009 Run for Liqueur was muted in comparison to last year's event, perhaps because most of the competitors still shuddered at the memory. Ignorance was bliss for first-time competitor, Attila, who completed his first lap before anyone else had even finished their first drink. However, by his third drink, Attila was slumped on the ground, because lying on his back made his discomfort worst.

My choice of chocolate soy milk over last year's chocolate dairy milk was only an improvement in the aftermath of the event as my suffering was shortlived but resulted in my disqualification. Joe's choice of Corona and Sleeman's proved to be less successful than last year's screwdrivers. Only Roger took a different strategy in his stubborn adherence to Grasshopper despite last year's disappointing results, and while his time did not improve, his overall ranking did. Ultimately, the only competitor who improved his overall time and ranking was Mike, who credits his nationalistic choice of Molson Canadian for his win.

It is questionable whether I will run another beer mile. In an event where the Masters level starts at 30 years of age, when most running events define Masters as being over 40, I feel that retirement may not be premature. However, I must admit that I am curious to see if a third drink choice will contribute to improved results. Until next Canada Day...

Kichadi and Iceland - The End

Technically, I'm supposed to continue my Kichadi Fast until Saturday but I intend on breaking my fast tonight with dinner. It will not be steak or something fried because I have been advised to ease back into regular food. However, even a salad sounds like flavour country right now.

I do recommend the Kichadi Fast to others, if only to gauge how many calories you consume when taste is taken out of the equation. I do not recommend visiting friends for a home cooked meal while on the Kichadi Fast. If there was a low point of this past week, that would definitely have been it (I am so sorry, Fiona).

A final note on Iceland: I mentioned previously how aloof Icelanders can be and our Hotel Bjork concierge, Oddur, was a perfect example of this. He failed to smile when we arrived and was initially all business, but was soon engaged in an ongoing joke about his perpetual presence at the front desk in the most hilariously deadpan manner. By the end, we were selling Canada to him as a vacation destination and he seemed genuinely interested. I must remember to seal the deal by sending him a Canadiana postcard.

The Canadian Liver Foundation sells me out

Last summer, I organized a charity run that was not entirely altruistic but lead to a modest donation to The Canadian Liver Foundation. The cheque probably came as a surprise to the charity and hence, the administrator who typed my name into their database was possibly giddy when s/he spelled my name wrong.

I took the charitable receipt in stride, not bothering to request a reprint. However, I soon became the target of numerous other begging hands. The Canadian Liver Foundation had sold their mailing list, which included my misspelled name.

I used to complain to Joe that I never received the cool address stickers and personalized note pads that charities sent to him in an effort to pique his generosity. Now that I have become a recipient of those coveted address stickers and they display my misspelled name, I feel the burn of the adage, "Be careful what you wish for...or be very specific."

The following charities buy their mailing list from The Canadian Liver Foundation and will only receive my scorn:
Easter Seals
YWCA
The Hospital for Sick Children (SickKids)

Children's Aid Foundation

The Princess Margaret Hospital Foundation
Mount Sinai Hospital Foundation

Ontario March of Dimes

ALS Society of Canada

CNIB (Canadian National Institute for the Blind)

The Canadian Hearing Society
The Cancer Research Society
Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation
The Monastery of Mount Carmel, Society of the Little Flower

I will be updating the list of scorn as I continue to receive unsolicited mail addressed to someone else.

"The Point": inane, dull, pointless

Among the many casualties of the recently announced funding cuts at the CBC is CBC Radio's "The Point", a debate program hosted by Aamer Haleem, broadcasted on weekday afternoons.

One of the strengths of radio is the quick turnaround time and within hours of learning of their program's projected demise, "The Point" panelists du jour, Heather Mallick and Fazil Mihlar, were discussing the show's fate, under the pretense of discussing "public broadcasting in a recessionary era".

In the awkward conversation that followed, Mallick played the role of a jilted lover. One could imagine Mallick on a post-breakup bender as she spoke of burning bridges now that she would no longer be employed by the CBC. It was a overstated claim since the last debacle Mallick involved the CBC in resulted in an apology by CBC on her behalf (see 2008 Controversy) but no apparent severing of ties.

Later, while on the inane topic of whether Canada is boring, Mallick asked why Canadians find people who try to be provocative (read: interesting), such as herself, annoying. The answer was so ripe with possibilities and yet, one answer covers both the panelist and the show: an outrageous statement without substance is not provocative; it is annoying. Unfortunately, Haleem let a good opportunity go to waste, which is exactly why "The Point" is such milquetoast programming, in spite of labelling itself "provocative".

I do not object to CBC cutting drivel like "The Point" and its defunct predecessor "Freestyle", both featuring light weight banter with hipster musical accompaniment. Even under the shadow of an axe, Haleem and his cohorts continue to chatter about tangential topics that they know nothing about in the most flippant manner possible. With all the ignorance of shock radio but without the bite, "The Point" is pointless.

I'll miss Dave Devall

Having reported the weather for the last 48 years on CTV, Dave Devall has become the consummate weatherman for many Torontonians. I was just reminiscing about how I've grown up watching Dave when it was announced at the beginning of February that he would be retiring. The 60 day tribute is almost at an end and soon, Tom Brown will step in as the weather anchor.

Since I am familiar with Tom Brown, I can already see that it won't be the same. Dave has always had a gentleman's bearing, probably a product of his coming of age in the 1950s, in spite of the requisite weatherman wackiness. Tom Brown is wacky but with a hint of mania; watching him will be like watching Jim Carrey. I don't like Jim Carrey.

People can become emotionally attached to their weatherman. In a blog entry that probably makes Michael Kuss cry into his pillow, Flocons railed against the replacement of Harold Hosein. The heated debate about Michael Kuss continues even after nearly two years since the changeover. CTV is probably trying to circumvent this public outrage with their '60 Days of Dave' celebration.

If Tom Brown also fails to do it for you, Joe would probably suggest his favourite meterologist, who he refers to as 'The Cheerful Brit', Claire Martin. There is never a crack or strain in Claire's chipper disposition when she gives the national weather forecast on CBC. My only complaint would be that Torontonians do not see enough of her, since she is based in British Columbia.

The only CTV (formerly CFTO) talking head left from my childhood is Jim Junkin. As the crime reporter, Junkin has probably conveyed a less lovable image to the public than Dave, but his stalwart demeanor and 1950s styling are remnants of a dying breed on television.

Memory in the digital age

As the public inquiry into the death of Robert Dziekanski continues, I can't help but think back to my university Psychology class during which it was repeatedly demonstrated how faulty human memory can be.

Much of my education is now a haze but I do recall one entertaining demonstration; the professor had a collaborator enter the lecture hall, grab another assistant's bag, then escape. The students were then asked to come up with their best description of the robber. Many could hardly even come up with the most basic of details (the colour the robber's clothing) due to shock over the situation. Of course, there were a few exceptional students who were able to recall accurate details about the robber but their memories were soon clouded over by conflicting testimony (the robber's jacket was blue). When the 'robber' returned to the lecture hall, students were disturbed by how wrong their recollections had been (the robber was not even wearing a jacket).

With the Robert Dziekanski altercation captured on amateur video and in 911 recordings, the perpetrators and witnesses are now faced with a horrible equivalent to the return of the robber. The RCMP officers are making claims based on memory that are then swiftly refuted by the video footage. Witnesses who claim sympathy for the dead man are forced to account for the derogatory remarks they had made earlier about Dziekanski to the 911 dispatcher.

Even if we were to give the witnesses and perpetrators the benefit of the doubt and assume that they are not knowingly giving false testimony, adrenaline and shock undermine the dependability of their testimony in the Robert Dziekanski case. Add a media firestorm to heightened emotions, and the result is an exercise in futility.

The Dziekanski public inquiry is necessary because changes will need to be made to RCMP regulations over taser use. I, for one, would prefer to see police tasers abolished because the weapons are commonly perceived as a non-lethal use of force, and therefore, wielded more liberally than a gun. However, unless the point of the public inquiry is to cause those giving testimony to squirm uncomfortably over their faulty memory, the parade of witnesses is pointless when the stark truth is readily available in video and audio form.

Practice makes perfect

Writing a blog usually has be to a reward unto itself because there is no prestige to aim for nor loot to be had ... until now! Canada Writes '09 is a speed writing contest hosted by Brent Bambury on the CBC Radio show, "GO!"

Contestants are invited to send in their most entertaining 200 words in one of five categories: song lyrics, movie pitch, rant, ad and blog! Shortlisted writers will compete live on the air, whipping out 200 words in one hour, on April 18. Up for grabs is a Macbook for the ultimate winner and an iPod Touch for the runner-ups.

I feel somewhat qualified for this competition since I have a blog and regularly whip out entries over my lunch hour, plus I am actually a fan of "GO!" having attended one of their live tapings.

Readers of this blog tend to be writers of their own - it's an incestuous community. I encourage everyone to enter the contest by February 7. Good luck and godspeed your typing.

I got what I wanted

Just over a week ago, when Edmonton was experiencing record lows of -50C, I did the unthinkable and complained to a friend in Edmonton about how boring -4C weather in Toronto was in comparison.

It is currently -30C with the windchill. You're welcome, Toronto.

Retail therapy for the cold and flat

An artist's representation of Winnipeg's future IKEA store

Christmas has come early for Winnipeg residents who are beside themselves over news that Swedish home products retailer, IKEA will be coming to town. A dedicated website, an online petition and a Facebook group have brought about a promise from IKEA to bring their good design at low prices to the coldest capital city in the world by late 2011, at the earliest.

Winnipeg mayor, Sam Katz has revealed that emails he received about IKEA were second in volume (and possibly winsomeness) only to emails about the return of the NHL team, the Jets.

I understand the excitement to some extent. As a downtown resident, a visit to IKEA is a planned day trip involving a car rental from Autoshare; my mouth waters at the prospect of Swedish meatballs. And yet, I wonder if there nothing else to aspire towards if you live in Winnipeg.

In the interim three years before the arrival of IKEA, Winnipegers will have to find solace elsewhere. Might I suggest the following sources of retail therapy:

• Mountain Equipment Co-Op - like IKEA, it promotes an environmentally responsible image except they sell products that will help residents survive the winter. In contrast, a Poang chair will do nothing to protect Winnipegers from the cold.
• Exchange District - apparently, it's a very charming part of Winnipeg with historic buildings and cobblestones (good friction even in snow and ice). Boutiques are great sources for limited edition items because Winnipegers will soon learn that one downside of IKEA is seeing your dresser, chair, and dining set in your friend's house...and bed sheet, and sofa...
• Up in Flames by Caribou (formerly Manitoba) - this is a retail purchase as opposed to a destination. The album is full of upbeat electronic music that will make any snowdrift look like a pile of fun. My personal favourite is "Crayon".

I have seen Guy Maddin's My Winnpeg, and living in the city did seem to require a lot of magic realism, or some dedicated plan of escape. It therefore seems fitting that Winnipeg should have a marriage of convenience with the most magical of Swedish retailers.

Despite appearances, I care

Let me just state for the record that I support the Royal Canadian Legion's poppy campaign. I want to show ex-service people that I am grateful that they were "in the shit" so that I do not have to be. I also want to assist them financially in their old age.

The problem is: I cannot find a poppy vendor. Maybe all those WWI and WWII vets are no longer hardy enough to stand around for long periods of time in the cold, trying to get passerbys to contribute a few coins. Or maybe retailers are not cooperating or even supportive of the campaign. Whatever the reason, I now look like an apathetic jerk and I have contributed nothing.

My inability to purchase a poppy pin is a roadblock to the more consistent problem that I have encountered with the poppy pins over the years. In the past, when poppy pins were more plentiful in supply, I found myself buying 3-4 pins before November 11 had even arrived. The pins are designed to be lost; with its sleek, straight pin, the poppy attaches itself to your jacket until your bag strap hits it or you move your arms horizontally or a strong gust of wind hits you in the chest. I understand that this is a production cost issue and, frankly, easily lost poppy pins do increase donations, but seeing poppy pins litter the city streets seems wasteful.

Solutions that have been suggested to me in the past include securing the poppy with my own safety pin, or picking one up off the ground or reusing one purchased the previous year. However, none of these solutions address the financial contribution that is part of the motivation behind the poppy campaign.

The Royal Canadian Legion should team up with the Royal Canadian Mint, which already produces a Remembrance Day commemorative coin, to produce a more durable metal poppy pin. These metal pins can be sold for $5 or more thus guaranteeing that they cover the donations that would have been made over a 2-3 year span with the more flimsy poppy pins. A different design can be released each year so that the pins become something that can be purchased annually by collectors.

I'll continue searching around for poppy pin vendors but with less than 24 hours to go before November 11, the Royal Canadian Legion may have to settle for my good intentions.

Speaking of the Royal Canadian Mint reminds me of a few additional gripes. The Mint used to produce some elegant coins; for instance, the series celebrating Canada's 1967 Centennial. Nowadays, we get gaudily painted metal like the Remembrance Day coin, the Pink Ribbon Campaign coin, or convoluted messes like that 25 cent coin design with a child's drawing on it.

Their advertising campaign for the Remembrance Day coins is no smarter than the product. The ad is meant to remind viewers of the horrors of the battlefield but, instead, it comes across as a trailer for a first person shooter like Call of Duty. See for yourself below and just try to stop yourself from instant messaging "PWNED".

Good news for Canada

In keeping with my 'no whine' policy this week, I will refrain from a tirade against Stephen Harper for wasting taxpayer money in his bid for a majority government that ultimately came to nothing. Instead, I will point out that Canadians are showing common sense not only at the ballot box but also at the box office.

While Beverly Hills Chihuahua came out on top at the American box office this past weekend, Canadians chose Body of Lies, a Ridley Scott film. The family flick about dogs that look like rodents came in fourth in Canada whereas the espionage thriller came in third in the U.S.

Now, Barack Obama seems like the obvious choice over John McCain for President but, then again, I am a Canadian who would have chosen Body of Lies over Beverley Hills Chihuahua.

Meanwhile, in Canada

The push towards an, as yet, uncalled federal election is on with the recent surge of Conservative ads. While America gets to enjoy the soap opera of Sarah Palin, we get the comedy of Stephen Harper.

The most recent Conservative strategy is to turn Stephen Harper into a Mother's Day card. Sentimental music plays in the background while Harper prattles on to a mysterious senior citizen couple in a Canadiana living room.

My personal favourite is "Family is everything." Harper tries to make us forget about the robotic handshake he gave his kids a few years back by mustering as much enthusiasm as he is capable of regarding being a parent. Apparently, Harper is out to destroy the outdoorsy stereotype of Canadians by spending recreational time indoors with his kids; they play cards, watch movies and pretend to be the Partridge family.

The kicker is the sense of contented defeatism that ends the ad. Harper's folksy end quote is, "You know, the time is precious but, uh, but it's, uh, being a father is the best experience of my life." Then, "Canada. We're better off with Stephen Harper" flashes on the screen. While Harper tries to convince us (and himself?) how worthwhile fatherhood has been for him, his party touts him as the lesser of two evils. Like if you were given the choice between two STDs, you secretly hope for herpes because you would be better off with it.

Normally, I would look forward to the political satires but can you parody something that is already so clearly a comedy?

Thank you, Simon Whitfield

For the first time during the Beijing Olympics, I jumped up and down, and screamed at my TV. The cause of this excitement was Simon Whitfield's race for the gold during the Men's Triathlon competition.

In the end, Whitfield won a Silver but the guts he showed during the race was better than the majority of Gold Medal-winning performances that I have seen so far. As amazing as Michael Phelps, Guo Jingjing, and Usain Bolt are, there is something anti-climactic about watching an unchallenged winner.

Whitfield steadily hunted down the lead group of runners, repeatedly hanging off the back, falling away then struggling back into contention until the last kilometer, when he threw his hat off and charged ahead with everything he had left. He was passed by the Gold Medal winner in the last 30 meters but, without a doubt, Whitfield had done his best.

If every Canadian athlete showed as much competitive heart as Whitfield, I wouldn't care what the medal count was.

More sour Olympic notes:

• Who are those annoying McDonald's commercial kids? The three boys and two girls are so generic that they could be mistaken for quintuplets and their dialogue delivery makes the otherwise bland punchlines acutely painful. I thought McDonald's was a multinational corporation and a major sponsor of the Olympics. They couldn't afford something better than a bunch of brats exchanging weak repartee in and around a McDonald's during prime time Olympic coverage?


• The programmers at the CBC obviously have a passion for softball and women's volleyball (court and beach). I waited in vain for a repeat airing of the Women's Marathon, while Joe has yet to see any ping pong or badminton matches. Meanwhile, CBC chose to show, in its excruciating entirety, Canada's loss to Venezuela in softball. And what the female volleyball players lacked in backside coverage, CBC made up for in game coverage by forcing their audience to watch every riveting timeout, regardless of whether a Canadian was playing. Whatever happened to the highlight reel? Our only Olympic broadcast alternative, NBC, actively denied the existence of Canadian competitors; for instance, failing to show a single one of medal contender, Blythe Hartley's dives in favour of the lower ranked American divers.
  
• Finally, please bring the Summer Olympics back to this side of the world. I am fed up of being sleep deprived from staying up past midnight in order to catch live action from the Games.

Aim for zero

I can confirm, using the nifty iGoogle tool, that as of this moment on Day 6 of the Beijing Olympics, the Canadian medal count is zero.

Broadcasters and journalists seem to be relatively optimistic that Canada will win a medal soon. Currently, Canada is being beaten in the medal count by powerhouses like Armenia, Togo and Uzbekistan.

However, I would like to state for the record that I hope that Canada comes away with zero medals. This is a terrible thing to wish on the Canadian athletes who have worked so hard to make it to the Olympics. However, I think extreme failure is what is required for increased success in the future.

Many supporters like to point to a lack of funding as the reason why Canadian athletes fail to excel on the international athletics scene. Without a doubt, financial support is what has helped the American and Chinese teams succeed since it has allowed their athletes to concentrate on training full-time.

However, how does one explain the success of athletes from countries like Armenia or Kazakhstan (4 medals each)? I have my doubts that their athletes enjoy the same quality of life as Canadian ones.

One of the most annoying aspects of watching the Olympics on CBC is the unwavering optimism and good sportsmanship of the broadcasters and the athletes, respectively. CBC will cheerfully do a roll call of mediocrity in which John Doe was disqualified in first round while Jane Doe finished 17th overall. Then the athletes who are interviewed will say how happy they are to have competed in the Olympics or done a personal best. One sad schmuck said he was happy to have even swam in the same heat as Michael Phelps.

Where is the killer instinct? Where is the bravado? Why should being Canadian be equated with being a good loser and a cheerful supporter of mediocrity?

Zero medals is what Canada needs. Anything more, like tying with Kazakhstan, will only confirm the status quo for the athletes and organizers who will remain happy to have just shown up.

Nationalism, sports and caring

This Canada Day, there will be no rest for the athletic and the charitable. Who needs BBQ and fireworks when you can run to raise funds...then run some more!

At 8am, we will take part in the HBC Run For Canada. It is a fundraiser for Canadian athletes as well as publicity for HBC's line of official Beijing 2008 merchandise. I must admit that I was going to skip the run until I saw the shirt and finisher's medal - both Beijing inspired.

Flocons and I have discussed reenacting an encounter between a Beijing supporter and a Tibetan activist on the 10K course, but we fear that event organizers will crush us both in the process. Instead, we will have to stick to something that will give HBC pause, like 'Free Stephen Harper'.

Later in the day, after lining our stomachs with food and maybe napping under a maple tree, we will continue the theme of running and caring. With the goal of raising money for the Canadian Liver Foundation, we will hold a beer mile. Competitors will run a mile and drink four beers in the process. To open up the competition to pregnant women and pansies, chocolate milk has been offered as an alternate choice.

Participants and spectators will be asked to donate $5 and, in return, they'll get a nice drinking glass - schwag just like a real charity event. We even have a name for the run, which I hesitate to give for fear of incurring the wrath of the pink brigade. Let's just say that it is like a popular pink brigade fundraising event but with 'Liqueur' in place of 'the Cure'. Think about it.

I have high hopes for our beer mile because it has already provoked strong feelings of either support or revulsion. One non-attendee has pointed out that drinking in public is illegal where we live. I scoff since we will probably be arrested for trespassing on school property before the cops smell the alcohol on our breath.

Results of our beer mile to come! Happy Canada Day!

CTV & Rogers - I despise you both

It is a fact of life that things change. However, I am put off by the recent changes to two cultural landmarks brought about by insensitive corporate manuvering.

CTV recently scooped up the "Hockey Night in Canada" theme song for an amount that CBC was either unwilling or unable to produce. A song that has been associated with watching hockey on the national public broadcast station for 40 years will now be grafted onto NHL games on TSN and Olympic hockey coverage in 2010. Already, TSN is parading the acquisition, playing it at every opportunity, but it sounds discordant without its traditional context.

Media outlets call the purchase a coup for CTV but this assumes that hockey fans will bob along to the song, no matter who plays it. I hope that hockey fans will not simply follow the song but, rather, feel outraged that their emotions and memories can be thought to be so easily acquired.

CTV may wish to purchase the warm and fuzzy feelings of the Canadian public but they want nothing to do with their unfiltered opinions. Shortly after acquiring CHUM, CTV shut down Speaker's Corner indefinitely. Now, CTV's partner in the butchering of CHUM/Citytv, Rogers Television has announced that Speaker's Corner will not be revived, as initially promised.

Before online forums, Speaker's Corner was a way for the public to air views to a wider audience. With the advent of the internet, it would seem that Speaker's Corner had ceased to become relevant. Rogers Television has even hinted at turning Speaker's Corner into an online feature. However, the technological prerequisites for joining in on an electronic version of Speaker's Corner would take this reincarnation away from the street-level culture that the original Speaker's Corner captured so well.

Nostaligia for sale and the online opinion exchange are all signs of the times but I had hoped that some cultural touchstones, like the "Hockey Night in Canada" theme and Speaker's Corner, would remain sacred.