London Called - Part 3

Day 3 - The City

We were supposed to get up early enough to arrive at St. Paul's Cathedral at 8:30am but our exhaustion convinced us to show pity on ourselves. We ended up arriving at the Cathedral at 10am, which was still early enough to avoid the majority of the crowds.

In contrast to Westminster Abbey, St. Paul's Cathedral was light and spacious, as intended by architect, Sir Christopher Wren. The domes, the highly placed, clear windows and even the white stone used to build the structure created a majestic yet airy effect. Wren had also chosen the forgo the usual heavy church ornamentation of the time but his vision was ignored by the Victorians who covered parts of the white ceiling with colourful mosaics.

As seems to be the custom of British churches, St. Paul's Cathedral contained a number of monuments to war heroes and other men of importance. However, the majority of the tombs were placed in the crypt, which is neater than the rummage sale layout of Westminster Abbey.

When Joe and I had finished with the main floor of the Cathedral, we decided to attempt the 259 step climb to the Whispering Gallery, located in the great Dome. There was no elevator, only a narrow stone spiral staircase. By the main entrance into the stairwell, there was a health warning and for good reason: the stairs up to the Whispering Gallery did not have any landings to rest on and narrowed to shoulder width at times. This latest example of how hardcore London is weeded out the weak and wide amongst the tourists, leaving Joe and me thankful for our good health.

The Whispering Gallery boasts an acoustic phenomenon where if one person whispers into the wall on one side, it will be heard clearly on the other side. Joe and I assumed it was a gimmick and maturely enjoyed the vertigo-inducing view of the cathedral floor. However, after the security guard used the Gallery's effect to warn people not to take photographs, I was sent running to the other side of the Gallery and chatted enthusiastically to the wall.

Another 119 steps took us to Stone Gallery, an outdoor viewing area on top of the Dome. It was quite spacious but the views were marred by a thick and tall stone guard rail. So, the obvious solution was to climb another 152 steps to the Golden Gallery. The barrier for many tourists who had bravely made the trek to the Stone Gallery were the cast iron stairs, which were see-thru and therefore, scarier than solid stone. The key was not to look down.

Located 280 feet from ground level, the Golden Gallery was small and windy but offered unobstructed views of London. London building restrictions had prevented skyscarpers from being built anywhere close to the Cathedral, something I wish Toronto enacted at times. Joe and I carefully manuvered around four other tourists to take photographs of the city skyline. The photo to the left is of the front of the Cathedral. The photo to the right is of East London.

My only regret in regards to St. Paul's Cathedral is that I did not break the rules more and take photographs of the Whispering Gallery. I had a fist full of money that I was ready to throw at the Gift Shop but I found no photographs of the Whispering Gallery for purchase.

However, I did manage to take one forbidden photograph of the Cathedral's interior during my descent from the Galleries, seen on the left.

After St. Paul's Cathedral, we walked across the Millenium Bridge to the South Bank and then walked along the Thames with the goal of reaching the Tower Bridge. We passed a recreation of Shakespeare's Globe Theatre, the London Dungeon (looked tacky) and the Clink Prison. The walk was filled with tourists and a few locals jogging.

Due to an inability to find Tower Bridge, we decided to visit the Tower of London first. We had been warned in guidebooks to avoid going to the Tower of London in the morning due to the loads of tour buses that invade the place at that time. Yet, the crowds of tourists that swarmed the area when we arrived scared me into seriously considering skipping the whole thing.

It turned out to be better than expected as the Tower of London is large enough to accomodate many a tourist and, according to the guide, it was not actually too busy that day. Our timing was also fortuitous in that we managed to join a tour, led by a Yeoman Warder, just as we entered. He told us amusing tales of imprisonment and beheadings in the style of Monty Python but we chose to look politely away when passing the tipping bucket.

There was also no wait for all the other Tower attractions: the Crown Jewels (passed on conveyor belts), the White Tower, the Bloody Tower, and all the other towers. I had hoped for a historic recreation of the rooms where Anne Boleyn and others were incarcerated but many of the rooms were made up with large, sometimes interactive, information boards, creating a touristy, rather than historical feel to the whole place. Still, the Tower of London was entertaining for the three hours we were there.

After the Tower of London came Tower Bridge. We had taken numerous photos of the bridge as we got closer and closer to it, and yet, on closer inspection, it really was not very exciting. We walked across Tower Bridge, explored London City Hall and some other South Bank attractions before recrossing the Thames on London Bridge.

Walking back west to our hotel, we decided to take a small detour into the financial district even though we were quite tired because it was convenient. We came across the unexpectedly impressive sight of the Monument. Rising 202 feet, the world's tallest isolated stone column commemorated the Great Fire of 1666. When I found out that a 311 step spiral staircase layed inside, I was eager to attempt the climb but it was closing time for the Monument. The photo of the Monument on the left does not do it justice.

We walked on to find the Lloyds of London Building, which scared the crap out of Joe, and the much friendlier Swiss Re Tower, aka The Gherkin. The Lloyds of London Building, seen on the right, resembled a Giger abbatoir with its exposed piping and windowless facade. The Swiss Re Tower, seen here, looked just like a gherkin (pickle).

It felt like a full and productive day so after appreciating The Gherkin and the Giger abbatoir, Joe and I headed back to our hotel.

End of Day 3

London Called - Part 1

After years of dreaming of Depeche Mode, Sherlock Holmes and football hooliganism, I proposed a trip to London and Joe agreed. It was our first foray into Europe and the best place to start since my French would probably get us beaten.

The trip proved to be exciting from the start as we departed from the new Terminal One at Pearson International. It has the spacious, generic look of any number of other international airports around the world. Exciting duty free shopping prevented us getting bored. In fact, we were so caught up in the shops that it wasn't until the PA system called a reasonable facsimile of our names ("Joe...Sinbad") that we realized that boarding for our flight was already complete. We ran to our gate and boarded the plane without any line-ups or delay. The whole experience was so exciting that I have learned nothing from it and will continue to board last minute in the future.

We arrived on time in London and took the Tube to our hotel. Right away, we were amazed by a number of things: how small the Tube train was and that escalators and elevators are not always an option. "Small" and "hardcore" became recurring themes of our trip.

Day 1 - Westminster & Royal London

We started our tour of London with a bang. Coming out of the Tube station, I looked to my right and saw Big Ben. It was shocking to finally see in person something that was so familiar to me. Equally shocking was how small the clock tower was. I had expected it to be twice the size it actually was.

Next was another well known London landmark: Westminster Abbey. After paying £10 each, we were duly humbled by the size of the place and the history it contained. After about an hour of wandering amongst all the random and ancient memorials to the valour of rich men and the piety of rich women, we became blasé. Like Honest Ed's, Westminster Abbey was filled with slightly creepy knick knacks. One highlight was the funeral effigies on display in the museum; life-like dummies shown to the peasants to remind them who the corpse on parade used to be. Thereafter, we referred to Westminster Abbey as "God's garage sale".

After Westminster Abbey, we rushed over to Buckingham Palace to see the Changing of the Guard at 11:20am. In spite of the rain, the streets were crowded with tourists. We decided to leave when it became obvious that the ceremony had become solely an auditory experience because the mob was not transparent. We consoled ourselves with a lunch of fish and chips served by real Cockneys.

Our next stop of the day was Tate Britain. Perhaps we were suffering from jet lag or perhaps it was because our feet and backs were killing us, but we did not enjoy the gallery. The majority of the collection were the usual respectable paintings. One of the few contemporary sculptures on display was When Humans Walked the Earth by Jake & Dinos Chapman. The Chapman brothers' previous works included mannequins of children with genitalia in place of facial features. Unfortunately, their latest work was a lot less fun, simply consisting of found object assemblages.

However, Joe enjoyed the vivid colours of two John Millais paintings enough (Ophelia and Mariana) to buy the corresponding postcards. Joe then held the postcards up to the originals and said optimistically, "These postcards will remind me of what the original paintings actually look like." Just like Tiny Tim, that Joe.

In a daze of confusion and pain, Joe and I marched on to two landmark department stores: Harvey Nichols and Harrods. We passed through Harvey Nichols very quickly when it soon became apparent that we could afford nothing on display. Harrods kept our attention longer with oddities like the Dodi and Diana memorial ("Innocent Victims"), wedged between the escalators. The claustrophobic Egyptian escalators also had to be seen to be believed.

We wandered blindly back to our hotel afterwards and decided to have some of the highly touted Indian food. We ate without complaint before we resumed griping about our feet and backs.

End of Day One.

London Called - The End

This London trip story is really dragging on for too long. I'm starting to forget details. Here are the last two days of our trip in point form.

Day 5 - Greenwich

• took first Thames ferry to Greenwich, avoided the crowds, straddled the Prime Meridian, took photos
• did not see the historic ship, the Cutty Sark, because it was under restoration - a week later, vandals had burned most it down -this is in keeping with the disastrous effect I have on the cities I visit (ditto for New York and New Orleans)
• met up with Aunt Irene who drove us in her Renault to Bluewater Shopping Centre
• Bluewater was relatively empty due to the football finals being played out that afternoon; everyone was in the pubs or at home
• returned to Aunt Irene's house in East London - very exciting to see a real London house and suburb
• watched the overtime period then the shootout of the football final
• got a whirlwind tour of East London and the new financial district at night
• took the Tube back to hotel exhausted

Day 6 - Leftovers

• went bright and early to Spitalfield's Market - at 10am, walked cautiously around drunken Londoners coming out of clubs and punching each other in the face
• bought lots of great stuff at Spitalfield's - much better than Bluewater!
• went to the Victoria & Albert Museum - unfortunately, British Galleries were closed - no repression and hooped skirts for us
• walked over to Hyde Park (busy and large) and spent some time watching rollerbladers play a game of street hockey (at least 2 Russians and one Maple Leaf fan) - felt like eating Timbits and drinking maple syrup
• walked past Kensington Palace too late to visit plus it cost money
• ate final dinner in London at East Indian Restaurant again - curry lamb one more time

Day 7 - Flight home

• took an Air Canada plane that was just put into service in 2007
• had many choices of movies and chose to watch: Music & Lyrics (lame), Prête-moi ta main (Charlotte Gainsbourg's wardrobe was amazing), another movie I can't remember, and the first half hour of The Painted Veil (looked promising)
• my parents surprised us at the airport and drove us home - so nice!
• ate some takeout then loaded our photos onto the internet

I did not love London like I always believed I would. All those years of dreaming of the BBC, Sherlock Holmes and Depeche Mode did not match up to the reality: an impersonal and fast city with vestiges of a colonial attitude and an affinity for Big Brother cameras everywhere. Joe and I don't bar a return to London but it won't be at the top of our vacation list.

The End (finally).

London Called - Part 4

Day 4 - The South Bank

Looking back on our itinerary, we realize now that maybe we stuffed too much into each day. At the time, we were puzzled as to why were so tired and cranky. Yet, we understood enough to slow down on Day 4.

We started with a leisurely speed walk to the Tate Modern. I had dreamed of going to the Tate Modern, having seen photographs of an amazing installation by Louise Bourgeois in the Turbine Hall back in 2000 (seen above).

Unfortunately, our timing was terrible. The Gilbert & George exhibition has just closed, leaving the Turbine Hall completely empty and partially inaccessible. In the smaller galleries, the collection consisted of mostly paintings from the early to mid 20th century. In retrospect, it makes sense that the Tate Modern should feature 'Modern Art'; I had confused 'modern' with 'contemporary'.

One of the only things that brought my spirits up at the Tate Modern was a piece by one of my favourite artists, Maurizio Cattelan . Ave Maria (seen below), a piece commissioned by the Tate Modern, was on display side by side with some mid-20th century paintings. Photographs were not allowed but I had regretted not taking photos during our visit to St. Paul's and now decided to thumb my nose at the rules.

The other thing that made the trip to the Tate Modern worthwhile was the restaurant. After eating on the cheap for the duration of our stay so far, we decided to splurge on lunch. No matter how many photographs and movies I took, nothing could capture the view of the city from the floor to ceiling windows. I had the lamb and Joe had the fish, then we had some dessert. The bill came out to ₤50, which we were happy to pay because we had reassured ourselves that we would eat fast food for dinner and that we were celebrating my birthday, to come in a couple of months.

We left content with food but ready to piss on the Tate name as both the Tate Britain and the Tate Modern had disappointed us.

We walked on along the Thames and came across the London Eye, the gigantic ferris wheel. Londoners had been tricked into believing the tourist trap would be temporary but it has become the #1 attraction in London and hence, it is staying put. We decided to skip the London Eye due to the massive lineup and the price. Also, we had gotten a great view of the city from the stop of St. Paul's Cathedral, and with less congestion.

We made our way past Cleopatra's Needle and marveled at the shrapnel marks that still remain from World War I bombing that just missed the 3000+ years old obelisk. We then decided to make a run for The National Gallery, even though closing time was a mere hour and a half away.

It turned out that the National Gallery was kind of boring with the usual array of grandiose and pretty paintings that people usually consider "real art". Trafalgar Square outside the National Gallery was packed with tourists and pigeons but I enjoyed Marc Quinn's Alison Lapper Pregnant (seen on the right), which is supposed to be a temporary exhibition but has been on site since 2005.

We sped through the Gallery in record time then rushed out to the sides streets of Oxford Circus to do some windowshopping. We particularly enjoyed a Japanese store that featured simple and stylish objects for travel and everday living. When the shops closed at 7pm, we returned to our hotel, relatively sore-free.

End of Day 4.

London Called - Part 2

Day 2 - Museums and Shopping

The first day of our London itinerary so thoroughly destroyed us that we decided to scale back slightly and scheduled two museums plus some retail therapy for Day 2.

We had heard great things about the Natural History Museum so we decided to add it to our list. The collection of stuffed animals and dinosaur bones were impressively displayed. Unfortunately, the most popular sections were overrun by children. They screamed at the animatronic Tyrannosaurus Rex, they took over every interactive display, and the teenagers were sprawled with sketch pads in front of anything that was pretty and colourful. Joe and I found ourselves seeking solace in the empty Geology section.

In the end, I found the the Natural History Museum kind of disappointing. Much of their collection looked like they originated with the founding of the Museum more than a century ago. The newer displays featured a lot of flash with little substance; for instance, the entrance to the Earth Galleries featured an escalator ascending into a gigantic metal globe structure. Once inside the structure, rhetorical questions about the Earth were projected onto the inside of the globe. It wasted a lot of space to little effect.

(Photograph of Earth Gallery taken by Michael Reeve, 7 June 2002)

Feeling a little cheated after our experience at Tate Britain and now, the Natural History Museum, we were tempted to skip the British Musum and go straight to Oxford Street for some mindless shopping. The small and dark entrance to the Museum with a gallery of ancient ceramics to the immediate left only confirmed our worst fears.

However, hunger was slowly turning us into mindless killing machines and it was obvious that there were no restaurants in the vicinity. We decided to look for the Museum cafeteria and angrily eat their overpriced food.

Imagine our amazement when we entered the Great Court. Completed in 2000, the Great Court features a dome of glass blooming from the Reading Room in the center. Suddenly, eating overpriced sandwiches didn't seem so bad (especially since they were gourmet sandwiches and quite tasty).

Refreshed with food and caffeine, we proceeded to explore the British Museum and came to appreciate the practice of colonial plundering. The Brits had gotten their hands on numerous priceless antiquities in the 19th century and never bothered to return them: the Rosetta Stone, a huge bust of Ramses II, numerous Egyptian mummies, much of the Parthenon frieze and pediment, the best preserved column of the The Caryatid Porch, and much more. All these items were displayed beautifully with great lighting and enough space to allow the large number of visitors to view them easily. We stayed until we were kicked out.

Overloaded with culture, we decided to visit Oxford Street and Picadilly Circus for some shopping. One of our favourite shops was a chain of shoe stores called Office, which featured chic yet well priced footwear. We ended up visiting at least four different locations because the variety of shoes differed enough to keep us excited.

I was also interested in seeing the H&M of the UK: TopShop. The current featured collection was designed by Kate Moss. While I am a fan of Kate Moss's style, I decided not to get any of her clothes because they were overpriced and because I did not want to support her taste in men.

To our dismay, almost all the stores closed at 7:00 pm. We took the Tube back to our hotel, carrying our new Office shoes on our aching backs.

My body betraying me

My vacations are usually the kind of experience that leaves me exhausted and worse for wear. I have eased back since my trip to London, where my non-stop walking left my back so sore that coughing hurt.

Regardless of my increased kindness to myself, ever since my return from San Diego and San Francisco (anecdotes to come), I have had a steady stream of health problems. I have forgone a visit the doctor in every instance, choosing instead to refer to the internet and resort to bed rest. Chris Rock's father would be proud, if I did not live in the land of universal health care, in which case he would probably call me an idiot.

Common cold - roughly 2 weeks of recovery
Immediately after returning home, I took on the cold from hell. A sore throat quickly became a runny nose, congestion, and extreme fatigue. I amazed myself by sleeping all day, waking up to eat, then returning to bed to pass out for the rest of the night. It looked bad when I called in sick the first day back from vacation, after a civic long weekend, but it couldn't be helped. I was a wreck.

Midsummer's Night Run 15K - one week of recovery
Admittedly, this was self-inflicted; I ran 15 km after four weeks spent running 5 km at most or not running at all due to the cold. Luckily, I suffered nothing more than the usual stiff gait, reminiscent of M. Piedlourde, which amused my co-workers.

Diarrhea - roughly one week of recovery
It was hard to figure out what triggered my problems since I ate many delicious, special occasion foods the Sunday before my bout of diarrhea. I took the Monday off and my co-workers, without a doubt, rolled their eyes. For the next five days, I had the ass that would not quit. After suffering for four days, I referred to the internet, which told me that I should have checked in with a doctor two days earlier. I was also amazed to learn that large amounts of fibre and milk made diarrhea worse. I did not go to a doctor and only ate cheese once before my intestinal tract fully recovered.

Angular Cheilitis - two weeks and counting
What started out as a crack in the corner of my mouth, which I callously picked at, proved to be something more than a one time anomaly when it appeared on the other side of my mouth. I only checked the internet after suffering for a week and found out that I should be moisturizing instead of drying out the problem. The cause is usually a vitamin deficiency but only a blood test can confirm which one. I have accepted that there are mysteries in life that may never be resolved and caked on petroleum jelly.

Undiagnosed back problem - two days and counting
I walked without issue to work yesterday but, by noon, I was hunched over like a crone, unable to stand upright. Sneezing and laughing hurt, which meant that, technically, my co-workers were laughing at me and not with me, as I shuffled around the office. With a week to go before the Toronto Waterfront Half-Marathon, I have finally decided to enlist the professional (and costly) help of a chiropractor, which I am scheduled to meet with tomorrow. In the meantime, I have taken another day off from work and thank the stars that I am unionized.