Years ago, I realized that drinking and working don't mix when I attempted to write an article for the school newspaper while drunk. 'Ernest Hemingway could do it so why can't I?'so the thinking went. I stared at my computer monitor for 15 minutes without ever getting bored because I was enthralled with my own heart beat and the alcohol coursing through my veins.
I have never again attempted to drink and work at the same time but when socializing with co-workers outside of work, most adults will enjoy an alcoholic beverage because it helps them to relax, or at least, look relaxed. For someone like me, who drinks nothing but water and milk, this can be a dangerous situation.
At the recent Christmas dinner with co-workers, my hearty meal gave me a false sense of security and I indulged in two shots of delicious Russian vodka in quick succession. It wasn't until we were preparing to leave that I noticed my vision fading to black. It became a race against my metabolism as I attempted to take my leave as gracefully as possible, while warding off unconsciousness. Only when some neighbouring bushes blocked my boss's direct sight line of me did I feel safe to crumple against Joe and allow him to drag me home on public transit.
Tonight, I found myself again in the awkward situation of "having drinks with the co-workers". I clawed at the waitress for a menu, desperate to construct a soft bed for the beer before it went straight to my head. My boss regarded me with concern as I wolfed down the communal platter of nachos. I tried to look sober by resting my hand thoughtfully under my chin as my co-workers laughed raucously about work.
Maybe it is time to claim health or religious reasons for abstaining from alcohol during work functions. Afterall, the alcohol is doing nothing to put me at ease; rather, it has made me unusually prim, and I fear that I send my boss the wrong message when I frown while staring intently at him in an ill conceived attempt to appear coherent.
And yes, I am buzzing right now. Say 'no' to mixing alcohol with productivity.
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4 comments:
Hmmm.....so You=Cheap date. Muhahahahahaha!!!!!
Just say no if you can't drink. You'll be happier that way. Either that or join some beer league teams. I know my tolerance went back to University levels after I did. Woot! Drink like a fish again!!!
Stick to nursing a single beer, or a glass of wine. Shots at the work function will inevitably lead to dancing on tables...or passing out, in your case.
The sad truth is that I was nursing a single pint of Rickards White on Friday night but without the foundation of food from the start, I was slated for embarrassment.
Oh Denise,
You could ask for orange juice (privately) and claim it's a screwdriver. Or (and much more interesting in my opinion)tell people you have decided to dedicate the next two years to studying aeseticism, which, naturally includes a strict detox program. Then go on to explain that abstaining is the easy part, it's the colonics and sticking catheters up your nose and out your mouth (amongst other "cleansing techniques your yoga instructor has taught you) that has you pacing in the mornings.
(BTW, these really ARE good for you - you should try it sometime...I can show you, just bring me a large pail and clean salt water next time I come over!)
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