Getting paid and spending money

Christmas is finally over and it was not bad. Joe and I ate Chinese microwaveable dinners for brunch then we tripped around a skating rink riddled with plastic bags, bread and a winter coat peeking out from its surface. Afterwards, we saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, during which I pretty much cried non-stop when I was not stuffing my face with chips, sausage and chocolate soy milk. Finally, we ate our Christmas dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant, lamenting the fact that Swiss Chalet does not actually offer their festive special on Christmas.

But enough with the holiday nostalgia - it is time for some Boxing Day madness! Spending money should be preceded by earning money, which ties this blog entry in with a tag from Dymaxion World regarding my history of paid employment.

Liberty Health - My first paid position and the one that established my anti-corporate work stance based mainly on extreme boredom. The prospect of working in that soulless environment for the next 25 years scared the socialism into me.

Kumon / Success Tutorial / Sylvan - It seems a cruel joke that I should become a tutor at the very tutorial schools that I once attended but this was indeed the case, thus providing a new spin on the adage 'Those who cannot do, teach'. I taught math up to the Grade 11 level before it became clear that some of the students were more qualified than I was.

The Varsity - Getting a masthead position at the student newspaper involved campaigning for votes. In my naivete, I promised more editorial coverage of Puff Daddy to a voting body who obviously preferred Spiritualized, for instance. Luckily, political infighting got me elected, but I continued to pull a Homer when I realized that it was a paid position with my first pay cheque.

Danier Leather / Crabtree & Evelyn - Holiday retail is amazing, no sarcasm intended. The highlight of my experience occurred on Christmas Eve when a male customer arrived in a panic because he needed a gift for his brother's new wife, who he was meeting for the first time. "Nothing says 'love' like a $100 gift basket," I suggested - advice that the customer took to the cash register.

Toronto Life / Eye Weekly - Technically, I was only paid an honorarium as a Toronto Life intern but Eye Weekly published my articles, which is priceless. As a tadpole in a pond of piranhas, it soon became clear that I was a fish out of water, and I gave up on metaphor and a career in journalism.

The Blue Book of Canadian Business - The worst boss that I have ever had to date was the owner of this publication. The man spent equal time on the golf course and in a court of law, which is to say that he was both irresponsible and vindictive. I complained previously about my experience, but to that, I would add that when I called in sick one day, he left a voice message in which he questioned the verity of my illness since I had not answered the phone. As well, he only agreed to pay me the listed annual salary of $23,000, as opposed to $22,000, due to a typo.

Living Arts Centre - In spite of the insane four hour daily commute and the stress-induced bout of bronchitis (blogged previously), I worked as a camp counsellor at LAC for two summers because I genuinely enjoyed the kids. However, after one child lost a tooth because I refused to enforce the camp's 'no running because we can't afford the insurance' policy, it became clear that I am not good for children.

High Level Wellness - The greatest stresses of the position were the customers, who either suffered from failing health or a high sense of entitlement, and my Ann Coulter-like co-worker. The big plus of the position was the close proximity to a gym, which brought about a permanent weight loss of 10 pounds, verified by the parcel scale that I sat on once a week. Still, I was pretty damn happy when I was finally laid off.

Ryerson University - After my last blog about this position, I enlisted my predecessor, who was only too happy to screw over her former boss, to be my referee and thus, successfully obtained my current position. Like a coward, I slipped my two week's notice into my boss's mailbox on a Friday, which I thought quite generous since, as a part-time contract worker, my boss could fire me without notice. To my surprise, my boss displayed a characteristic hybrid of diplomacy and rage when she emailed an offer of one week's pay to "maintain good relations" along with an order to turn in my keys to the department immediately. My replacement barely lasted a month.

University of Toronto - It should be noted that my decision to apply for my current position at U of T was inspired by an amicable summer stint, plus the promise of a free education for me and my family, and the 'Rolls Royce' of pensions. Nothing more to say, which is a good thing.

Some of my most rewarding and interesting jobs were voluntary: as a candy striper at St. Michael's, Women's College, and Scarborough General Hospitals, as an assistant to the world's expert on jungle fowl behaviour, and as an Ambassador for Kids Help Phone. What you are willing to do for free can reveal as much about you as what you are willing to do for money. On that last thought, I confess that I was willing to submit to psychological experiments for $12-20 per hour but I was not willing to submit fecal samples on demand.