Move me, move you

I am currently undergoing a Psyllium colonic cleanse. The idea came to me courtesy of a Toronto Star article called "Hooked on colonics". Here's an excerpt of the article, minus the medical warnings:

My gym friend Dave, roughly my age and with a discernible belly much like my own, corners me one day and tells me of this remarkable way to lose five, even 10 pounds "that's as easy as sitting on the toilet."
By emptying my colon of decades of baked-on crud my digestive system would become a well-oiled machine, my blood cholesterol level would plummet, my heart would sing with appreciation and — most important of all — my stomach would flatten.
"Psyllium husk," whispers Dave. "Everyone's doing it."
Without going to the extreme of a colonic irrigation, a daily regimen of psyllium would finally rid me of my stubborn spare tire.
Psyllium is a natural, water-soluble fibre extracted from the husks of psyllium plant's seeds. It is credited with combatting a variety of digestive disorders, including constipation, diarrhea, diverticular disease and colitis. A tidy colon may even prevent pre-cancerous lesions.
And its restorative powers sound impressive. Your skin will clear. Your hair will become stronger and thicker. You may even think more clearly. Two tablespoons of this cardboard-flavoured, sand-coloured grit taken with water each morning, would do it all.
Dave's description is graphic. My eyes widen as he promises six feet of pulsing, angry grunge — "concentrated evil." And best of all, the 72 inches of carcinogenic muck would be exorcised painlessly within 72 hours.
It would be the consistency and colour of tire rubber, he guaranteed, backing his claim by feeding me a tidbit of colonic lore. His eyes bug as he tells me that John Wayne's colon weighed 82 pounds when he died, the accumulation of decades of baked-on T-bone steaks and charbroiled burgers.
Following Dave's logic, it sounds like good housekeeping to scour outdoor grills and colons at the close of each barbecue season.

I am currently 40 hours into my the Psyllium colonic and I am disappointed by the lack of shocking results. I feel a gurgling in my gut and I am more "productive" than usual but no tire rubber.

In addition to an update on the status of my colon, what would YOU like to read about in Xiao Pangzi?

By the way, that photo above is of a Japanese invention: a life size mannequin with a built-in projector that can resemble a face of one's choice. It can play DVDs of facial movements accompanied with a voice, giving the illusion that someone is talking to you, saying things like, "You are very handsome, sir" or "I rolled an 8, Dungeon Master". Stuff like that.