It's a whopper!

My aforementioned pregnant cousin just gave birth and it's a big one! 9 lbs of sugar and spice named Tiffany. Her giddy husband sent digital images that have gone awol but to give some context, the bass pictured above is as heavy as Tiffany.

When I was told that my new niece's name was 'Tiffany', I couldn't help but be a little disappointed because I thought instantly of the American pop singer. Afterall, my cousin and I were both children of the 80s. The much classier Tiffany jewelery firm and expensive Tiffany stained glass only came to mind later.

Still, I would like to propose alternate names for my niece. While her parents and everyone else may choose to call her 'Tiffany', I can call her something more to my taste:

• Barbara - when was the last time you met a winsome young girl named 'Barbara' as opposed to a battleaxe working in the claims department? Little Barbara would singlehandedly revive a lost name.
• Rusty 2 - my cat is already named Rusty but it would be nice to transfer over the warm feelings I have for my psychotic cat over to the baby. That way, whether Rusty 2 pees under my dining table, scratches my wall paper or attacks my ankles, nothing will shock me.
• Microsoft/WalMart/Nike - if the name sticks, and she grows up to look like Anna Kournikova, she can become a corporate spokesmodel. This is not necessarily a good thing, in my mind, but I'm sure her parents would be happy with the financial security I helped bestow on her.

Feel free to add your suggestions for little Tiffany.