After trudging around the world with his trusty mule delivering coffee for 37 years, 'Juan Valdez' is retiring. Carlos Sanchez, the man who has played the Columbian coffee mascot for almost 40 years, has decided to call it quits at age 71.Sanchez is only the second man to play Juan Valdez; the first being a Cuban named Jose Duval who took on the role in 1959 for a mere 10 years.
It is reported that Colombians are grateful to Juan Valdez for presenting a safely innocuous alternative to the evil drug lord stereotype. Hence, there has been much hoopla over the search for the new Juan Valdez.
In an age of cost-cutting strategies and multi-tasking workers, I propose we amalgamate corporate mascots. Hire one man, 5'9'', average build, brown hair, fair skin that tans easily for multiple ethnic looks, and turn him into:
- Juan Valdez
- Mr. Clean
- the Glad Man
- Ronald McDonald
- The Maytag Repairman
- Aunt Jemima
- Colonel Sanders
- resurrected from the grave, Wendy's Dave Thomas
- Old Keebler Elf
- Uncle Ben
- the new Visa logo
- ... the possibilites and savings are endless!
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