For rapid weight gain

Between the stress of work and the new home, I find myself eating rather indiscriminately. Consume left over pasta salad twice a day for four days straight? Why not? The result is predictable.

If you are ever in a weight gain competition, include the following on your grocery list:

• instant noodles
• Häagen-Dazs
• whatever else adds poundage quickly in the sumo wrestler rolling level of We Love Katamari. The game designers had it right.
  

The lost weekend

Faced with the prospect of a weekend without anything scheduled, Joe and I started racking our brains for possible activities: snowboarding, buying a snowboard, visiting friends, what to do?

As Saturday loomed, our stressed increased and we found ourselves wide awake on Saturday morning, ready to do something. I thought of exercising and decided to have a sensible breakfast in preparation. Somewhere between pouring the milk over the All Bran and putting the cereal bowl in the sink, I started playing Dragon Age: Origins. The end.

It was quite delightful to lose myself in a PC game with only a definite end time of Sunday night. Fortunately, unlike hard core Korean Starcraft players, we took breaks to eat, sleep and watch movies such as:

9 - To be clear, we watched the animated film about a post-apocalyptic world and not the musical about a libidinous filmmaker. 9 does a good job of setting up a depressing future and characters to root for, but offers little else. The characters are stereotypical and underdeveloped, and the climax is muted because if the resolution had followed logic, it should have been more ruthless. An entertaining movie that ultimately disappoints by not going as far as it should have.

Zombieland - While 9's muted reception was understandable after viewing, Zombieland's lack of popularity is surprising. This is as good of a zombie film as Shaun of the Dead, with a loser protagonist most fanboys can relate to, and all the hilarity that encounters with the undead can bring. Woody Harrelson is especially good as an asshole with a talent for zombie killing. Not to over-hype the movie but this is essential viewing if you have even a suspicion that zombies could be in your future.

Latest obsession: Dragon Age

BioWare has invested heavily in advertising so chances are, anyone who watches TV has seen the ads for Dragon Age: Origins, which are pretty enticing. However, I remained skeptical because the last time I played a RPG (The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion), I became frustrated by the plodding story line, weak characters, and realistic consequences of being a kleptomaniac.

I started playing Dragon Age: Origins last night and, next thing I knew, it was 2am. Besides looking gorgeous, the game can boast engaging characters - even the minor ones - interesting dialogue, and a well-paced storyline. Touching on a personal pet peeve, the outfits have not been ridiculous, though the hair styles could be improved.

While Joe and I were playing the game, on two separate computers, I noted aloud that it was the first time since September that we were able to completely forget about house related worries. Joe had no response because he was too busy killing darkspawn.

Quick note: I can accept Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 as entertainment and I can even understand lining up outside of big box electronic stores the night before the game's release, but who are the idiots who decided to dress up in battle fatigues while waiting outside of Best Buy at Bay and Dundas? Playing at war while Canadian troops are dying overseas is borderline tasteless but dressing up like a soldier to show your enthusiasm for a war game during a time of war is the tipping point. Congratulations, COD cosplayers, you are officially ignorant douches.

A Victoria Day Weekend for nerds

After attending a Red Eye this past weekend, it has become apparent that zombies are very fashionable right now, at least in my immediate gaming circle. In addition to the previous Red Eye favourite, Left 4 Dead, we enjoyed Call of Duty's Nazi Zombies, and Flowers vs. Zombies. The latter is a single player PopCap Game but its pedigree did not prevent it from turning members of the party into intense, zombie killing gardeners.

It is hard to say what makes zombie killing so appealing for everyone but for myself, I enjoy the guiltfree killing spree that I can engage in. The practice has all the moral satisfaction of weeding but with the bonus of the weeds being human shaped, mobile and hostile to my well-being.

When the gaming was over, Joe and I went to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine because we already saw Star Trek last weekend (and it was excellent). I am in agreement with the majority of critics that Hugh Jackman is the only strength in an otherwise mediocre movie. However, in an exchange after the credits had rolled, a fellow audience member and a theatre employee put it best:
"It was better than X-Men 3."
"Yeah. At least Brett Ratner couldn't touch this one."

Virtual retail therapy = virtual rock star

Joe and I have taken to redeeming gift cards recently in order to get our retail therapy without actually spending money. In one fun packed transaction, a Best Buy gift card was traded in for Xbox Points so that we might purchase songs to rock out to in Rock Band 2.

While perusing the Rock Band songs for sale, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Neko Case's "People Got a Lotta Nerve" off her new album, Middle Cyclone, was being offered. For a stubbornly independent alternative country artist, being featured on such a popular platform is quite the coup. And how can gamers resist an attractive girl wielding a sword while riding the hood of a car? The song is fun, too.

We have not committed to Neko Case's song yet but we have purchased:

• "Lounge Act" and "Breed" by Nirvana
• "Little Sister" and "3's and 7's" by Queens of the Stone Age
• "Interstate Love Song" by Stone Temple Pilots
• "Don't Look Back in Anger", "Live Forever", and "Wonderwall" by Oasis
• "Roam" by B-52s
• "Love Spreads" by Stone Roses
• "Die Alright" by The Hives

Two gems that were free:

• Stephen Colbert and the Colberts - "Charlene (I'm Right Behind You)"
• "Still Alive" by the evil but cute computer from Portal

A few artists have not granted Rock Band the rights to use their original songs. Hence, as much fun as it would be to sing David Bowie's "Heroes" and the Black Crowes' "Hard to Handle", we're not spending money on a Rock Band rendition...at least, not full price.

I am still working on Joe to agree to purchase Jimmy Buffet's "Cheeseburger In Paradise". Since Buffet is one of the top selling tour acts ever, there are many out there who would agree with me. Further peer pressure can be inflicted in the Comments section below.

New Year's Resolution: Shoot more zombies

New Year's Eve usually forces lame friends, who would otherwise leave a party at 10pm, to stay at least until 12:15am. This past New Year's Day, a group of us, four to be exact, stayed up until 8:30am because we were full of adrenaline and fearful of zombie attacks thanks to Valve's Left 4 Dead.

Left 4 Dead is a co-operative first-person shooter that takes place in a post-apocalyptic environment over-run by aggressive zombies à la 28 Days Later. Players operate as a team of four and co-operation is key as some zombie attacks require assistance from team member to ensure survival.

Left 4 Dead was perfect for New Year's Eve for a number of reasons. In a sleep deprived state, the game's simple controls are easy to master; friends can jump in and out of the game without an extensive tutorial. Plus, the forgiving health meter means that constant vigilence is not necessary, though death is only a temporary penalty. In contrast, a game of Rainbox Six would not have lasted past 3am due in equal parts to frustation and frayed nerves.

In keeping with the New Year's theme of self-improvement, Left 4 Dead also schools players on the merits of co-operation. That friend who insists on going rogue without notice will soon receive a tongue lashing from a Smoker or get a strip torn off of him by a Hunter so you won't have to; laugh as the maverick begs to be saved. And friends who insist on hogging targets will feel the burn of friendly fire if they step between your gun and a zombie.

For all of the reasons listed above, Left 4 Dead should prove to be a better game to play online with friends and strangers than, say, Team Fortress 2. Too often, PC games encourage an 'every man for himself' scenario, much to the detriment of all players involved. Finally, here is a game that will act like Mary Poppins towards unruly children, but with a stick instead of a teaspoon of sugar.

Despite appearances, I care

Let me just state for the record that I support the Royal Canadian Legion's poppy campaign. I want to show ex-service people that I am grateful that they were "in the shit" so that I do not have to be. I also want to assist them financially in their old age.

The problem is: I cannot find a poppy vendor. Maybe all those WWI and WWII vets are no longer hardy enough to stand around for long periods of time in the cold, trying to get passerbys to contribute a few coins. Or maybe retailers are not cooperating or even supportive of the campaign. Whatever the reason, I now look like an apathetic jerk and I have contributed nothing.

My inability to purchase a poppy pin is a roadblock to the more consistent problem that I have encountered with the poppy pins over the years. In the past, when poppy pins were more plentiful in supply, I found myself buying 3-4 pins before November 11 had even arrived. The pins are designed to be lost; with its sleek, straight pin, the poppy attaches itself to your jacket until your bag strap hits it or you move your arms horizontally or a strong gust of wind hits you in the chest. I understand that this is a production cost issue and, frankly, easily lost poppy pins do increase donations, but seeing poppy pins litter the city streets seems wasteful.

Solutions that have been suggested to me in the past include securing the poppy with my own safety pin, or picking one up off the ground or reusing one purchased the previous year. However, none of these solutions address the financial contribution that is part of the motivation behind the poppy campaign.

The Royal Canadian Legion should team up with the Royal Canadian Mint, which already produces a Remembrance Day commemorative coin, to produce a more durable metal poppy pin. These metal pins can be sold for $5 or more thus guaranteeing that they cover the donations that would have been made over a 2-3 year span with the more flimsy poppy pins. A different design can be released each year so that the pins become something that can be purchased annually by collectors.

I'll continue searching around for poppy pin vendors but with less than 24 hours to go before November 11, the Royal Canadian Legion may have to settle for my good intentions.

Speaking of the Royal Canadian Mint reminds me of a few additional gripes. The Mint used to produce some elegant coins; for instance, the series celebrating Canada's 1967 Centennial. Nowadays, we get gaudily painted metal like the Remembrance Day coin, the Pink Ribbon Campaign coin, or convoluted messes like that 25 cent coin design with a child's drawing on it.

Their advertising campaign for the Remembrance Day coins is no smarter than the product. The ad is meant to remind viewers of the horrors of the battlefield but, instead, it comes across as a trailer for a first person shooter like Call of Duty. See for yourself below and just try to stop yourself from instant messaging "PWNED".

Worst Jedi Ever

Vader: Bow to your master.

Starkiller/Celestial Speedster: Will do! (Joy!)

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed is being released today. Oh happy day!

Set between Episode III and IV, this console game focuses on Darth Vader's apprentice, the flamboyantly named Starkiller, and his mission to rid the universe of Jedi.

Having played the demo on the XBox 360, I know that I have found my calling (in my dreams). While Joe enjoyed hacking and slashing with his evil red light sabre, I found it much more efficient to force push people off the edge of a precipice or simply throw something combustible at a milling crowd.

Lego Star Wars was fun but I found myself having to justify my preoccupation over lucre because it is not the "Jedi way". Well, screw the Jedi order; let's kill everyone in creative ways. If Hollywood movies have taught me anything, it is that evil kicks ass in a way good never can.

Fuck me and fuck you

I just found out that the Queens of the Stone Age will be playing at the El Mocambo this Friday. The Toronto Star posted this tidbit on their website mere minutes before tickets went on sale at 6pm. Starting at 8pm, I attempted to buy tickets for half an hour before giving up.

I guess if I had been more in the know, I would have heard rumours about this gig and been on the ball. Now, I'm disappointed and feel like a loser. Come to think of it, I don't even know if anyone would have gone with me. (pout)

I will just have to play their songs over and over again on Rock Band at Alex's place. My sobbing will add that extra edge to the wailing.

In other news, "HD-DVD death hasn't helped Blu-ray sales" according to the Globe and Mail. Hahahah!

Alex, don't be a sore loser and let me in!

Arrested development continues

I have been obsessed with a new video game but I have an excuse for this obvious regression into immaturity: I have been sick. I have been suffering from exhaustion and a cold due to 'grown-up' wedding MC duties in early Janary.

In the days leading up to the wedding, I had trouble sleeping and suffered from performance anxiety. But in the end, I fell back on shouting and my trusty stock of sexual innuendoes, which made for an entertaining and 'klassy' evening for all.

The cost for this excellent evening was illness, which I quickly embraced: no exercising, and lots of eating and sleeping. I even got sympathy from Joe, who felt the need to treat me by buying a PS2 game called Psychonauts. Now, my cold is virtually gone and I am still pounding away at the PS2 controls.

Creator, Tim Shafer, was also the genius behind Grim Fandango and the Monkey Island games. Unlike Tim's previous outings, Psychonauts is not an adventure game, but it still retains the humour, extraneous yet interesting details, and puzzles that require creativity.

Shown above is one of my favourite levels, "The Milkman Conspiracy". I get to explore a creepily psychotic suburban neighbourhood while breaking into people's houses and their possessions to gain points. I could do this all day!

Adventure games may be dying a slow death but I can continue to game thanks to games like Psychonauts. So, thank you Tim Shafer, for prolonging my adolescence.

By the way, I must applaud Gears of War as a worthy contributor to the death of adventure games. It made the purchase of the XBox 360 totally worthwhile.

2007: Last hurrah for Peter Pan

It's 2007 and sadly, I think I'm growing up. Some construction workers visited my apartment a few weeks ago and it shamed me to realize that, between the foam swords and "Guitar Hero", we looked like adolescents. As I discussed possible improvements with the contractor, I plotted how quickly I could hide the action figures, not to mention my blankie.

I think my extended adolescence is symptomatic of my generation and my culture. Now that cartoons, video games and toys are no longer the sole domain of children, I need never leave my comfort zone. And we celebrate the juvenile alongside the clever; the Simpsons and Jon Stewart just don't appeal to our parents' generation because the former's cartoon format and the latter's smarty pants attitude are just not mature.

For a long time, I have enjoyed my arrested development but meeting those construction men made me realize that if I came face-to-face with a preadolescent from any developing country taking care of younger siblings, I would cover my head with a sac, which would promptly catch fire from my burning face.

This is not to say that I will throw away my toys and complain about 'kids these days', but it is probably time I became a contributor rather than a consumer in society.

However, no one becomes a man or dame overnight so for the rest of 2007, it will be an uneasy combination of this and this.

PS I hate the fact that Blogger has finally forced me to switch to the Google format. Now, the police will have an easier time finding me. (kidding!)

Gamers venture out of the basement

A story in The Toronto Star today examined the growing phenomenon of making over video games as art. In a bid to get their friends off the couch and prove they are not losers, gamers are organizing events where symphonies play classic video game music and video game graphics are exhibited on gallery walls.

Says Tommy Tallarico, video game show host and game music composer, "I'm a composer, I love Beethoven. He's my guy. But if I go to a Beethoven concert, I sometimes get a little bored."
And that's when I feel like grabbing Tallarico by the ear and leading him to a quiet corner for some 'time out'.

I find it sad that the only way someone like Tallarico thinks he can make a symphony accessible to gamers is to play music that they can recognize; like they are incapable of actually enjoying classical music on its own terms. Or gamers can only venture out into a world that accomodates their hobby.

What other hobby group attempts to force their hobby into the wider world in this way? I don't see golfers requesting music played solely with golf clubs and drivers à la Blue Man Group. Or opera fans cosplaying as Madam Butterfly or Figaro at opera conventions.

While I have complained that gamers and their like tend to show a conservative streak despite the fact that they pride themselves on being outsiders, I have faith that gamers can and do leave the security blanket of their consoles behind.

There is a whole world of books, movies, music, food, politics and religion just waiting to be discovered. Take a cue from cultured hooker, Julia Roberts, and go enjoy an evening at the opera. Gaming is better in the middle of the night anyways.

PS I know I promised a blog on CBC Radio but this topic got me angry first. Look, I'll listen to Freestyle tomorrow afternoon, get pissed and soon I'll be typing away like noone's business.

Katamari above all else

Acknowledging the problem is the first step to recovery: I'm addicted to We Love Katamari.

It's a PS2 game that involves rolling a sticky ball to collect various items. You start out collecting small items like hair pins and then you're collecting umbrellas, and then people. Soon, you're ravaging whole countries and you're cackling maniacally the whole time. It's funny when the people scream and wave frantically as they get shot into space. You had to be there to understand.

But this insidious game has ruined my life in the past week. I have become seriously sleep deprived and that has lead to a downturn in various other aspects of my life such as the ability to function. As I go about my day, all I can think of is how to collect items faster and all the prizes I could get (like a Giraffe hat or, ooh! a long fake nose!). When customers at work interrupt me from my reveries, I'm snippy - obviously, withdrawal symptoms.

I've taken the first step by admitting to the problem and now, I'm trying to find other outlets to allow for a healthy separation. Like tending to my blog. And writing about We Love Katamari. Sweet, sweet Katamari...bjdislw.sd..&#%$,,,,,,,,,,.