Friday, January 13, 2006

Fingernails, candles and Firewall

I am still alive and boy, do I feel it. I'm stress out about a fast-approaching deadline on a project, so I'm pretty much sleep-deprived and angry all the time now (it's a vicious cycle).

So, in an attempt to prevent ranting and keep Xiao Pangzi educational, I'll ask for some reader feedback on some questions that have plagued my mind.

1. Why do some men have long fingernails, especially on the pinky finger, or the thumb? When I see that sort of thing on a woman, I attribute it to a fashion trend. It's tacky but understandable. But on men, where's the fashion precedent?

2. What do most people use candles in their bathrooms for? I was always under the delusion that people used candles in the bathroom to create a relaxing ambience for masturbating in the bath. Now I find out that it's even dirtier than I thought: I've been told that candles are used to dissipate fumes after a Number 2. So, all those people I thought were being hippies were really hiding what they had for lunch?

3. Does anyone else get offended when they see movie posters for the new Harrison Ford movie, Firewall? The movie has yet to be released so its exposure to the public is still quite limited but there are a few posters at Bloor Station. The poster features Harrision in the forefront, anxious but ready to save the day. His family, including Virginia Madsen, huddle in the background. Virginia Madsen doesn't get top billing though. Harrison and Paul Bettany are the names listed above the title. Instead, Virginia is reduced to an unidentified "mother of the children". And why is this union even considered normal? Harrison is 64, Virginia is 42. She's considered an older woman in Hollywood but does she have to be a geriatric's love interest?

My apologies, #3 is definitely a rant but I'd like to get some feedback on it anyways.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

In most cases, long fingernails among men is usually a sign of laziness, sloth, or forgetfulness. When your daily morning preparations take an average of 10 minutes (95% of which is showering), an added 2 minutes can feel like an eternity!

Perhaps the long pinky / thumbnail (especially if it's only on one hand) is a sign that said male got bored, distracted, or just plain missed it during the cutting process, leaving the last nail uncut. Since the thumb and pinky are at the terminal ends of the hands, it makes sense that they'd be the ones neglected.

And, as more extreme possibilities... some animals use a long nail on one foot for balance. Perhaps these males are accustomed to walking on their hands? Yoga fanatics? Or perhaps the fingernails are used as some disgusting form of chop sticks?

As for the candles, I can't believe you didn't grasp the purpose for them! Have you been (secretly) judging your friends on the basis of candle-containing bathrooms?

"Wow. So-and-so sure has a lot of candles in there. And, curiously, he/she also spends a long time in the bathroom. I'm not shaking *his/her* hand!"

And even more important is the question of whether or not *you* have candles in *your* bathroom! Because now we'll all know why... hahahaha! (Quick! Hide the candles!)

Regarding Harrison Ford, he's famous and he has money. What's not to believe about him with a young "delicate" background of a wife? Besides, with a name like Virginia... isn't Stepford the norm for the south?

Anonymous said...

OR it's the long pinky nail is used as a letter opener.

Anonymous said...

Candles in bathrooms :: smell nicer than no. 2, unless its a really strong vanilla, which doesn't mask or dissipate but melds, vanilla #2 is not good.

Harrison Ford as a hero in yet another pro-american uber-patriotic fearfearfearfearsafesafesafefear movie :: Who cares!

Long pinky nail on a guy :: called a "Coke Nail", they snort their cocain out of it. No I'm not kidding. When you've seen musicians, punks and business yuppies alike do this at clubs and just about anywhere on Queen West or Bay st. with said nail...it's hard to think of any more practical purposes. They also make wearing gloves difficult and I'd personally prefer to use the regular letter opener inthe shape of a corn cob magnetically attached to my desk.

Though said person could be a human/raptor crossbreed.

Correction...not always cocaine, crystal methamphetamine is another possibility.

~rgr