Three punches in the head

After a steady diet of trashy celebrity smut, I thought nothing would shock me. Yet, the news stories of the last few days have created new, raw areas where I thought only thick callouses remained.

First, the death of Steve Irwin. Everyone predicted it would eventually happen everytime he pranced around while swinging a python around his head, but who wasn't shocked when it really did? And a stingray?! I would have guessed something small and deadly like a spider or scorpion would have been Irwin's downfall.

The latest debate concerns whether the video recording that captured Irwin's death should ever see the light of day. I personally have no interest in seeing the tape because what can be more mundane than some watery image of a man getting stung, even if it is fatal? It's the kind of image that shows up in the Caribbean vacation videos of friends and usually elicits only mild interest. It would be no great loss to the public and yet a great relief to Irwin's loved ones to have the video destroyed

A video that I did watch intently was the Austrian Police record of Natascha Kampusch's tiny prison. As I devoured the fantastic details of Natascha's eight year imprisonment, shock and horror turned to critical concern.

By all accounts, Natascha has had only brief contact with her parents while entering a media blitz less than a month after escaping her captor. If her release had occurred a few years earlier, there is no doubt in my mind that she would have been immediately returned to the care of her mother or father. Yet, because she gained her freedom as a legal adult, everyone appears to accept the entourage of psychiatrists, psychologists, and lawyers, assigned by persons unknown, that keep Natascha far from family and those that knew her before the kidnapping.

A BBC article written just as the details of the story were being released asked psychologists what she should do next. One specialist on abused children recommended a return to "as normal a life as possible." He also predicted that Natascha would have abandonment issues because her parents never rescued her and that she should be reunited with her parents as soon as possible. Thanks to Natascha's expert handlers, a normal life with loved ones is not on the agenda as she goes on another round of media interviews.

Speaking of not normal, Suri Cruise has finally been revealed to the unwashed masses. Yet, having tackled the growing suspicion that Suri either did not exist or was physically deformed, the photos are now fueling new rumours. My favourite, Perez Hilton, has been repeatedly lining up photos of Suri with Katie Holme's previous flame, Chris Klein. The implications are obvious. And then there are those who cling to the fake baby theory by dismissing the Vanity Fair cover as obviously photo doctoring.

A nice scab is developing over the spot where these three stories ripped through my mind. I dare Suri, TomKat and any other celebrity to just try and top this week. It's just not possible. (Giddily preparing to be amazed.)