Random Thoughts: Coming Attractions

I recently checked out some coming attractions on the Quicktime movie webpage and found a lot to get excited about - enough to start a new entry in my blog.

Two different takes on vengeance
The story lines are very similar: protagonist loses a loved one to random thug violence. The system fails to right wrongs and the protagonist is left to turn to vigilante justice to regain power. However, Death Sentence stars Kevin Bacon and is directed by the guy who did Saw. The Brave One stars Jodie foster and is directed by the guy behind The Crying Game. Can you guess which one approaches the topic of revenge like an raging orgy of violence and which one focuses on the uneasy transition from victim to vigilante?
Clue: In the trailer, Kevin Bacon changes from mild-mannered suit into a crazed skinhead. Jodie Foster sports hair reminiscent of her character in The Accused. Think about it.

Another very special little boy
Being the cash cow that it was, The Lord of the Rings movies have spawned a lot of crappy clones: Eragon, The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe (protest all you want but the best thing about that movie was Tilda Swinton as the Witch), and now, The Seeker: The Dark is Rising. Once again, we have a seemingly ordinary boy who turns out to be the saviour of the world. This one, played by Alexander Ludwig, appears to have the charisma of particle board.
Do we really need another story about a special little boy? At least with the upcoming release of The Golden Compass, I can look forward to the story of a very special little girl. That's different!

Miscellaneous crap

The trailer for The Kingdom appears very 'us vs them' about the Middle East, which I found very strange in this day and age. That kind of black and white cinematic depiction was harmless fun back in the 80s but it hits too close to home in the post 9/11 world. Of course, a promotional behind-the-scenes feature about the movie shows the gung-ho Americans (Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner) cooperating with a helpful Arab cop. However, the overwhelming story arc in the trailer is of an "elite FBI team" entering "a hostile country" to investigate the bombing of a wholesome game of softball (!) in an American compound in Saudi Arabia. Then one of their team members is taken hostage and this throws everyone into a tizzy. If the only way this movie feels that it can compel its audience to care is to put American characters in danger then I know that The Kingdom is as bad as any boneheaded anti-Arab action movie of the past.

Things We Lost in the Fire - Harlequin romance in the guise of a deep drama. Woman loses husband unexpectedly, husband's no good friend moves into the house to "help", woman ends up becoming attracted to friend, everyone gets angsty and guilty. My favourite scene from the trailer: Halle Berry convinces Benicio Del Toro, the no good friend of her husband, to climb into bed with her so that she can hold onto some male flesh and thereby, overcome her insomnia. Second favourite scene: Halle Berry frolicking in a bikini. Berry muses, "I don't know if I'll ever feel happy again" but is there ever any doubt when Benicio is lurking in the background?

Into the Wild - you suspect that this movie is pretentious because it lists 10 actors' names before the title even shows up. Then you know it will fart in your general direction because it is written and directed by Sean Penn. The movie is about a well-to-do hippie kid who decides to literally burn his money and become an adventurer headed for Alaska. This is the kind of movie that is supposed to make you regret scratching your ass while sitting in the movie theatre. Yet, I find myself wishing Sean Penn had filmed himself burning his millions in a bonfire then treking through the wilderness of America without any hair pomade. Not going to happen.

A glimmer of hope
Not everything is crap. 2 Days in Paris looks hilarious. Who knew that Julie Delpy, the director, writer and lead for the movie, was such a brain in addition to being a looker? Julie Delpy and Adam Goldberg play a New York couple on hoiday in Paris during which they encounter Julie's stereotypically French parents and numerous overly friendly ex-boyfriends. The film features the winning line spouted by Delpy's real-life mom: "Sex fun! Everyone with everyone." to which Adam Goldberg mutters, "The mother's a slut, too."

London Called - The End

This London trip story is really dragging on for too long. I'm starting to forget details. Here are the last two days of our trip in point form.

Day 5 - Greenwich

• took first Thames ferry to Greenwich, avoided the crowds, straddled the Prime Meridian, took photos
• did not see the historic ship, the Cutty Sark, because it was under restoration - a week later, vandals had burned most it down -this is in keeping with the disastrous effect I have on the cities I visit (ditto for New York and New Orleans)
• met up with Aunt Irene who drove us in her Renault to Bluewater Shopping Centre
• Bluewater was relatively empty due to the football finals being played out that afternoon; everyone was in the pubs or at home
• returned to Aunt Irene's house in East London - very exciting to see a real London house and suburb
• watched the overtime period then the shootout of the football final
• got a whirlwind tour of East London and the new financial district at night
• took the Tube back to hotel exhausted

Day 6 - Leftovers

• went bright and early to Spitalfield's Market - at 10am, walked cautiously around drunken Londoners coming out of clubs and punching each other in the face
• bought lots of great stuff at Spitalfield's - much better than Bluewater!
• went to the Victoria & Albert Museum - unfortunately, British Galleries were closed - no repression and hooped skirts for us
• walked over to Hyde Park (busy and large) and spent some time watching rollerbladers play a game of street hockey (at least 2 Russians and one Maple Leaf fan) - felt like eating Timbits and drinking maple syrup
• walked past Kensington Palace too late to visit plus it cost money
• ate final dinner in London at East Indian Restaurant again - curry lamb one more time

Day 7 - Flight home

• took an Air Canada plane that was just put into service in 2007
• had many choices of movies and chose to watch: Music & Lyrics (lame), Prête-moi ta main (Charlotte Gainsbourg's wardrobe was amazing), another movie I can't remember, and the first half hour of The Painted Veil (looked promising)
• my parents surprised us at the airport and drove us home - so nice!
• ate some takeout then loaded our photos onto the internet

I did not love London like I always believed I would. All those years of dreaming of the BBC, Sherlock Holmes and Depeche Mode did not match up to the reality: an impersonal and fast city with vestiges of a colonial attitude and an affinity for Big Brother cameras everywhere. Joe and I don't bar a return to London but it won't be at the top of our vacation list.

The End (finally).

A non-commercial break

My blog seems to have been taken over by my never-ending anecdotes about my trip to London. So, I'll talk briefly about my happiness over the withdrawal of "Freestyle" from the CBC Radio One afternoon schedule in Toronto. It was replaced about a month ago by "Q", an arts show hosted by Jian Ghomeshi, whom I loved during the run of "The National Playlist" and his stint hosting "Sounds like Canada" last summer. Needless to say, I am thrilled.

I never had a chance to rant about "Freestyle" when it was still on the air in Toronto and now that it is off, it feels a little late. Yet, I'm going it off my chest and hope that CBC mines the internet for criticism about their past mistakes.

1. Original hosts Cameron Phillips and Kelly Ryan sounded like they disliked eachother. To be more accurate, Kelly sounded like she thought Cameron was a moron. Typical Cameron and Kelly banter went like this (made up at the top of my head):

Cameron: I enjoy drinking a slushee really fast so that I get a
brain freeze. What about you, Kelly? Do you do that much?

Kelly: No, I can't say I do.

Cameron: What about when you were a kid? You used to do
that, right?

Kelly: No, I knew better, Cameron.

(Uncomfortable chuckling from Cameron)

Kelly: Speaking of brain freeze, here's the latest Avril Lavigne
song.

Maybe Kelly's news background made her feel that she was above light, afternoon banter. In the end, she left "Freestyle" to return to news and was replaced by Marsha Lederman who is clearly more willing to join in on Cameron's silliness.

2. More than half of "Freestyle" consisted of easy listening radio. Exactly why CBC would feel a need to wade into the same waters as commercial radio is beyond me. I listen to CBC radio to avoid commercial radio.

I still remember the day CBC management came on "Ontario Today", then hosted by Alan Neal, to announce that "Ontario Today" would end broadcast in Toronto an hour early to make way for their new show, "Freestyle". As the suit droned on and on about markets and surveys, it was hard to ignore Alan's contempt, even in his brief questions.

Alan moved on to "Fuse," a music show, a bit later and I miss him. His mild voice usually led politicians and other guests he interviewed into a false sense of security. Then he would whip out a nasty question and not let up until the interviewee was clearly sweating through the phone. Hilarious!

Jian is back. Now, if only they would get Alan Neal his own show: a mash up of pleasant current events and public humiliation for the deserving.

London Called - Part 4

Day 4 - The South Bank

Looking back on our itinerary, we realize now that maybe we stuffed too much into each day. At the time, we were puzzled as to why were so tired and cranky. Yet, we understood enough to slow down on Day 4.

We started with a leisurely speed walk to the Tate Modern. I had dreamed of going to the Tate Modern, having seen photographs of an amazing installation by Louise Bourgeois in the Turbine Hall back in 2000 (seen above).

Unfortunately, our timing was terrible. The Gilbert & George exhibition has just closed, leaving the Turbine Hall completely empty and partially inaccessible. In the smaller galleries, the collection consisted of mostly paintings from the early to mid 20th century. In retrospect, it makes sense that the Tate Modern should feature 'Modern Art'; I had confused 'modern' with 'contemporary'.

One of the only things that brought my spirits up at the Tate Modern was a piece by one of my favourite artists, Maurizio Cattelan . Ave Maria (seen below), a piece commissioned by the Tate Modern, was on display side by side with some mid-20th century paintings. Photographs were not allowed but I had regretted not taking photos during our visit to St. Paul's and now decided to thumb my nose at the rules.

The other thing that made the trip to the Tate Modern worthwhile was the restaurant. After eating on the cheap for the duration of our stay so far, we decided to splurge on lunch. No matter how many photographs and movies I took, nothing could capture the view of the city from the floor to ceiling windows. I had the lamb and Joe had the fish, then we had some dessert. The bill came out to ₤50, which we were happy to pay because we had reassured ourselves that we would eat fast food for dinner and that we were celebrating my birthday, to come in a couple of months.

We left content with food but ready to piss on the Tate name as both the Tate Britain and the Tate Modern had disappointed us.

We walked on along the Thames and came across the London Eye, the gigantic ferris wheel. Londoners had been tricked into believing the tourist trap would be temporary but it has become the #1 attraction in London and hence, it is staying put. We decided to skip the London Eye due to the massive lineup and the price. Also, we had gotten a great view of the city from the stop of St. Paul's Cathedral, and with less congestion.

We made our way past Cleopatra's Needle and marveled at the shrapnel marks that still remain from World War I bombing that just missed the 3000+ years old obelisk. We then decided to make a run for The National Gallery, even though closing time was a mere hour and a half away.

It turned out that the National Gallery was kind of boring with the usual array of grandiose and pretty paintings that people usually consider "real art". Trafalgar Square outside the National Gallery was packed with tourists and pigeons but I enjoyed Marc Quinn's Alison Lapper Pregnant (seen on the right), which is supposed to be a temporary exhibition but has been on site since 2005.

We sped through the Gallery in record time then rushed out to the sides streets of Oxford Circus to do some windowshopping. We particularly enjoyed a Japanese store that featured simple and stylish objects for travel and everday living. When the shops closed at 7pm, we returned to our hotel, relatively sore-free.

End of Day 4.

London Called - Part 3

Day 3 - The City

We were supposed to get up early enough to arrive at St. Paul's Cathedral at 8:30am but our exhaustion convinced us to show pity on ourselves. We ended up arriving at the Cathedral at 10am, which was still early enough to avoid the majority of the crowds.

In contrast to Westminster Abbey, St. Paul's Cathedral was light and spacious, as intended by architect, Sir Christopher Wren. The domes, the highly placed, clear windows and even the white stone used to build the structure created a majestic yet airy effect. Wren had also chosen the forgo the usual heavy church ornamentation of the time but his vision was ignored by the Victorians who covered parts of the white ceiling with colourful mosaics.

As seems to be the custom of British churches, St. Paul's Cathedral contained a number of monuments to war heroes and other men of importance. However, the majority of the tombs were placed in the crypt, which is neater than the rummage sale layout of Westminster Abbey.

When Joe and I had finished with the main floor of the Cathedral, we decided to attempt the 259 step climb to the Whispering Gallery, located in the great Dome. There was no elevator, only a narrow stone spiral staircase. By the main entrance into the stairwell, there was a health warning and for good reason: the stairs up to the Whispering Gallery did not have any landings to rest on and narrowed to shoulder width at times. This latest example of how hardcore London is weeded out the weak and wide amongst the tourists, leaving Joe and me thankful for our good health.

The Whispering Gallery boasts an acoustic phenomenon where if one person whispers into the wall on one side, it will be heard clearly on the other side. Joe and I assumed it was a gimmick and maturely enjoyed the vertigo-inducing view of the cathedral floor. However, after the security guard used the Gallery's effect to warn people not to take photographs, I was sent running to the other side of the Gallery and chatted enthusiastically to the wall.

Another 119 steps took us to Stone Gallery, an outdoor viewing area on top of the Dome. It was quite spacious but the views were marred by a thick and tall stone guard rail. So, the obvious solution was to climb another 152 steps to the Golden Gallery. The barrier for many tourists who had bravely made the trek to the Stone Gallery were the cast iron stairs, which were see-thru and therefore, scarier than solid stone. The key was not to look down.

Located 280 feet from ground level, the Golden Gallery was small and windy but offered unobstructed views of London. London building restrictions had prevented skyscarpers from being built anywhere close to the Cathedral, something I wish Toronto enacted at times. Joe and I carefully manuvered around four other tourists to take photographs of the city skyline. The photo to the left is of the front of the Cathedral. The photo to the right is of East London.

My only regret in regards to St. Paul's Cathedral is that I did not break the rules more and take photographs of the Whispering Gallery. I had a fist full of money that I was ready to throw at the Gift Shop but I found no photographs of the Whispering Gallery for purchase.

However, I did manage to take one forbidden photograph of the Cathedral's interior during my descent from the Galleries, seen on the left.

After St. Paul's Cathedral, we walked across the Millenium Bridge to the South Bank and then walked along the Thames with the goal of reaching the Tower Bridge. We passed a recreation of Shakespeare's Globe Theatre, the London Dungeon (looked tacky) and the Clink Prison. The walk was filled with tourists and a few locals jogging.

Due to an inability to find Tower Bridge, we decided to visit the Tower of London first. We had been warned in guidebooks to avoid going to the Tower of London in the morning due to the loads of tour buses that invade the place at that time. Yet, the crowds of tourists that swarmed the area when we arrived scared me into seriously considering skipping the whole thing.

It turned out to be better than expected as the Tower of London is large enough to accomodate many a tourist and, according to the guide, it was not actually too busy that day. Our timing was also fortuitous in that we managed to join a tour, led by a Yeoman Warder, just as we entered. He told us amusing tales of imprisonment and beheadings in the style of Monty Python but we chose to look politely away when passing the tipping bucket.

There was also no wait for all the other Tower attractions: the Crown Jewels (passed on conveyor belts), the White Tower, the Bloody Tower, and all the other towers. I had hoped for a historic recreation of the rooms where Anne Boleyn and others were incarcerated but many of the rooms were made up with large, sometimes interactive, information boards, creating a touristy, rather than historical feel to the whole place. Still, the Tower of London was entertaining for the three hours we were there.

After the Tower of London came Tower Bridge. We had taken numerous photos of the bridge as we got closer and closer to it, and yet, on closer inspection, it really was not very exciting. We walked across Tower Bridge, explored London City Hall and some other South Bank attractions before recrossing the Thames on London Bridge.

Walking back west to our hotel, we decided to take a small detour into the financial district even though we were quite tired because it was convenient. We came across the unexpectedly impressive sight of the Monument. Rising 202 feet, the world's tallest isolated stone column commemorated the Great Fire of 1666. When I found out that a 311 step spiral staircase layed inside, I was eager to attempt the climb but it was closing time for the Monument. The photo of the Monument on the left does not do it justice.

We walked on to find the Lloyds of London Building, which scared the crap out of Joe, and the much friendlier Swiss Re Tower, aka The Gherkin. The Lloyds of London Building, seen on the right, resembled a Giger abbatoir with its exposed piping and windowless facade. The Swiss Re Tower, seen here, looked just like a gherkin (pickle).

It felt like a full and productive day so after appreciating The Gherkin and the Giger abbatoir, Joe and I headed back to our hotel.

End of Day 3

London Called - Part 2

Day 2 - Museums and Shopping

The first day of our London itinerary so thoroughly destroyed us that we decided to scale back slightly and scheduled two museums plus some retail therapy for Day 2.

We had heard great things about the Natural History Museum so we decided to add it to our list. The collection of stuffed animals and dinosaur bones were impressively displayed. Unfortunately, the most popular sections were overrun by children. They screamed at the animatronic Tyrannosaurus Rex, they took over every interactive display, and the teenagers were sprawled with sketch pads in front of anything that was pretty and colourful. Joe and I found ourselves seeking solace in the empty Geology section.

In the end, I found the the Natural History Museum kind of disappointing. Much of their collection looked like they originated with the founding of the Museum more than a century ago. The newer displays featured a lot of flash with little substance; for instance, the entrance to the Earth Galleries featured an escalator ascending into a gigantic metal globe structure. Once inside the structure, rhetorical questions about the Earth were projected onto the inside of the globe. It wasted a lot of space to little effect.

(Photograph of Earth Gallery taken by Michael Reeve, 7 June 2002)

Feeling a little cheated after our experience at Tate Britain and now, the Natural History Museum, we were tempted to skip the British Musum and go straight to Oxford Street for some mindless shopping. The small and dark entrance to the Museum with a gallery of ancient ceramics to the immediate left only confirmed our worst fears.

However, hunger was slowly turning us into mindless killing machines and it was obvious that there were no restaurants in the vicinity. We decided to look for the Museum cafeteria and angrily eat their overpriced food.

Imagine our amazement when we entered the Great Court. Completed in 2000, the Great Court features a dome of glass blooming from the Reading Room in the center. Suddenly, eating overpriced sandwiches didn't seem so bad (especially since they were gourmet sandwiches and quite tasty).

Refreshed with food and caffeine, we proceeded to explore the British Museum and came to appreciate the practice of colonial plundering. The Brits had gotten their hands on numerous priceless antiquities in the 19th century and never bothered to return them: the Rosetta Stone, a huge bust of Ramses II, numerous Egyptian mummies, much of the Parthenon frieze and pediment, the best preserved column of the The Caryatid Porch, and much more. All these items were displayed beautifully with great lighting and enough space to allow the large number of visitors to view them easily. We stayed until we were kicked out.

Overloaded with culture, we decided to visit Oxford Street and Picadilly Circus for some shopping. One of our favourite shops was a chain of shoe stores called Office, which featured chic yet well priced footwear. We ended up visiting at least four different locations because the variety of shoes differed enough to keep us excited.

I was also interested in seeing the H&M of the UK: TopShop. The current featured collection was designed by Kate Moss. While I am a fan of Kate Moss's style, I decided not to get any of her clothes because they were overpriced and because I did not want to support her taste in men.

To our dismay, almost all the stores closed at 7:00 pm. We took the Tube back to our hotel, carrying our new Office shoes on our aching backs.

London Called - Part 1

After years of dreaming of Depeche Mode, Sherlock Holmes and football hooliganism, I proposed a trip to London and Joe agreed. It was our first foray into Europe and the best place to start since my French would probably get us beaten.

The trip proved to be exciting from the start as we departed from the new Terminal One at Pearson International. It has the spacious, generic look of any number of other international airports around the world. Exciting duty free shopping prevented us getting bored. In fact, we were so caught up in the shops that it wasn't until the PA system called a reasonable facsimile of our names ("Joe...Sinbad") that we realized that boarding for our flight was already complete. We ran to our gate and boarded the plane without any line-ups or delay. The whole experience was so exciting that I have learned nothing from it and will continue to board last minute in the future.

We arrived on time in London and took the Tube to our hotel. Right away, we were amazed by a number of things: how small the Tube train was and that escalators and elevators are not always an option. "Small" and "hardcore" became recurring themes of our trip.

Day 1 - Westminster & Royal London

We started our tour of London with a bang. Coming out of the Tube station, I looked to my right and saw Big Ben. It was shocking to finally see in person something that was so familiar to me. Equally shocking was how small the clock tower was. I had expected it to be twice the size it actually was.

Next was another well known London landmark: Westminster Abbey. After paying £10 each, we were duly humbled by the size of the place and the history it contained. After about an hour of wandering amongst all the random and ancient memorials to the valour of rich men and the piety of rich women, we became blasé. Like Honest Ed's, Westminster Abbey was filled with slightly creepy knick knacks. One highlight was the funeral effigies on display in the museum; life-like dummies shown to the peasants to remind them who the corpse on parade used to be. Thereafter, we referred to Westminster Abbey as "God's garage sale".

After Westminster Abbey, we rushed over to Buckingham Palace to see the Changing of the Guard at 11:20am. In spite of the rain, the streets were crowded with tourists. We decided to leave when it became obvious that the ceremony had become solely an auditory experience because the mob was not transparent. We consoled ourselves with a lunch of fish and chips served by real Cockneys.

Our next stop of the day was Tate Britain. Perhaps we were suffering from jet lag or perhaps it was because our feet and backs were killing us, but we did not enjoy the gallery. The majority of the collection were the usual respectable paintings. One of the few contemporary sculptures on display was When Humans Walked the Earth by Jake & Dinos Chapman. The Chapman brothers' previous works included mannequins of children with genitalia in place of facial features. Unfortunately, their latest work was a lot less fun, simply consisting of found object assemblages.

However, Joe enjoyed the vivid colours of two John Millais paintings enough (Ophelia and Mariana) to buy the corresponding postcards. Joe then held the postcards up to the originals and said optimistically, "These postcards will remind me of what the original paintings actually look like." Just like Tiny Tim, that Joe.

In a daze of confusion and pain, Joe and I marched on to two landmark department stores: Harvey Nichols and Harrods. We passed through Harvey Nichols very quickly when it soon became apparent that we could afford nothing on display. Harrods kept our attention longer with oddities like the Dodi and Diana memorial ("Innocent Victims"), wedged between the escalators. The claustrophobic Egyptian escalators also had to be seen to be believed.

We wandered blindly back to our hotel afterwards and decided to have some of the highly touted Indian food. We ate without complaint before we resumed griping about our feet and backs.

End of Day One.